Now that I’ve written it down, it has become more real for me. Either that or it is because I can now see a movie on the condition.
I have not done a lot of research, but the term Aspergers has come up.
So I’ve been out of it lately. It is rather depressing to read a wikipedia page and see it describing your life; enough so that I’m finding I don’t want to read too closely. The line “Childhood desire for companionship can become numbed through a history of failed social encounters.” is particularly chilling.
But what does it mean? I now have an excuse as to why I am terrible at relationships. But is that all it is, an excuse? I still should socialize. Don’t decide it is impossible and not try. But I remember people telling me talking to girls is easy. Now I can say it is not.
Driving home, I saw pretty girls on Whyte Avenue. I don’t think I have a chance with any of them. I would rather stay at home and do some computer work.
I’ve been looking back on my life with a different viewpoint. I distinctly remember times in Jamaica, at Hedonism, where I’m pretty sure beautiful girls were interested in me. And I was too clueless to realize.