I like to keep busy. Maybe it makes me a more interesting person, but I also hate being left alone with my thoughts. They are invariably dark and depressing. Better to not give them a chance to fester.
Today is a good example. My family is visiting and there was an incident. I don’t want to go into details. And I will admit that I shouldn’t have been yelling at my sister, but in my defence, when someone is yelling at you to stop the car, maybe you should stop.
At breakfast, I tried to put it behind me. Be happy and forget it ever happened. It is very important to me that everyone around me be happy. But then my sister did something that hurts me a lot. She sulked. She wanted an apology. I felt I was in the right, but eventually it became apparent that she was holding the vacation hostage and would not let it go. Until I apologized, she was going to ruin it for everyone. So I did, and the vacation continued.
I had to leave the family for awhile to go to the pool and do aquajogging. For 90 minutes. And for 90 minutes I was alone with my thoughts. There was nothing to really distract me. The synchronized swimmers were too young, and no one was diving off the high boards. Boring.
So in my thoughts I realized some things. I don’t recall my sister apologizing to me. She hurt me a lot by preventing me from making people happy, and so I apologized. But since the favour was never returned, I’m essentially in the wrong. How I feel is not important. And I bottle up my feelings so that people can have a good time, so she may not even know that I’m really angry with her.
Was she manipulating me? She is a therapist so she probably knows how to. Or is this just another example of how men are always wrong? I always thought that only applied with girlfriends and not sisters.
Anyway, I’m hoping by venting here I can continue to bottle the feelings and give my family a good vacation. Thanks for listening.