This isn’t entirely unexpected, but I still am not happy that I got laid off today.
I’ve been sensing that I wasn’t performing to expectations for the past month. I’ve been working hard to try and make good software, but not everything went well. It didn’t help that the software library I was using was totally inadequate for the needs. But, for the four months and a week I was employed I did a lot of learning and I’m a better programmer for it.
I got a hint that I was being let go when yesterday I was asked to write down everything I knew about the big project I had started with. And when I was finished today I was laid off. That part actually went fairly well. They complemented me on my skills and intelligence. The big problem was that I wasn’t able to quickly adapt to new projects. Since the company is entirely focused on new projects, that was a problem.
I said my good byes and tried to make it as easy as possible for everyone. My co-workers seemed rather shell-shocked. Before leaving I did my best to help whoever took over my projects to transition easily; I left notes on problems to look out for and commented on the feasibility of future plans. Being upset and being difficult will not help anyone, so why do it.
Although I’m hoping that whoever takes over the last project will have as hard a time as me. That library sabotaged me, and if it continues to cause problems for the next person, I’ll look better.
Surprisingly, when I was going out the door, one of the partners came from across the office to give me a final goodbye. He had liked working with me and was sorry to see me go. That was nice.
I don’t feel bad about the company, and I wish them well. But it was very stressful working for them; I never felt I was doing good enough and since I was having difficulties with the code and requests, I rarely got complimented for doing good things. I like being told I did a good job. And it’s hard to get that, when you haven’t done a good job.
I found it difficult to come home. Well, the journey wasn’t the problem, but the being alone with myself was. When things are going bad, I don’t like to think about it. If I dwell on it, I get depressed. Thankfully I was able to go to the Friday Feast and talk to friends.
Unfortunately, the most frequent subject to come up was jobs. Someone is thinking of transitioning, someone else got a new job, and someone is leaving their job to go traveling for a year.
I’ve had better days.