I feel guilty. Constantly.
I have not committed any crimes. I am not religious. God is not judging me. I have no reason to feel guilty.
But I do. If I do anything slightly wrong, it bothers me for a long time. Even little things. The fact that I am too tired and exhausted to work on my resolution is making me feel like a bad person. And since part of my resolution is to make an effort on dating sites, which you should only do when you feel good about yourself, I’m getting stuck in an ugly feedback loop.
Contributing to this is the knowledge that my dating life, and lack thereof, is completely MY fault. If it was important to me, I would work at it. Apparently it isn’t.
Things at work bother me. I’m probably not being as good a friend as I should be. Why do I not give more to charities. Guilt, guilt, guilt.
I’m frankly tired of it. I don’t deserve this. I would like to be free from my conscious. I would like to be able to swear. I would like to take advantage of intoxicated women with loose morals. I would like to not feel bad about asking a woman out. That last one makes no sense, but I always feel like I’m doing something rude when I’m talking to a woman I don’t know.
And if people comment on this post with sympathy, I’m going to feel bad that I guilted people into feeling sorry for me.
Erik's Blog
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Gah! If you were here I’d smack you upside the head. Let Rem lecture you about guilt sometime – he’s good at it. No more guilt! (Unless you take advantage of people – that actually IS bad, even if they are soused and loose.) You’re a good person who does good things. Do try to remember that and crush this unhappy self-talk!
Yeah, that post was kind of whiny. I guess I had a bad day.
I look forward to hearing Rem’s lecture and having you smack me upside the head. Although I have a hard time picturing you smacking people.
You should consider talking to a professional about it. I’m quite serious – I’ve had these feelings (and often still do), and I’ve sought help. I’m not ashamed. Normally I feel that counselor types are a real waste of time, and they can be, but not always. Unfortunately, it does depend on the person and the kind of rapport you can establish with them.
But my point is, it is possible to deal with these kinds of feelings, and sometimes it’s not as easy as just ignoring them. There are active, positive ways to deal with them.
You should consider it. Feeling good about yourself (without being an egotistical dink) can help you in your relationships with others. If you feel good about yourself, you will feel more confident, and it will be outwardly apparent. The reverse is also true. I speak from experience.
You are a good person and a good friend. You just need to be more comfortable with that yourself.