Abandoned at the sex show

So, I’ve done two nights of the Taboo show. It has been fun.
There are three contestant’s for Ms. Taboo. There are only two for Mr. Taboo. There aren’t higher standards for the male version; only two people actually tried out for it. The three woman actually had to compete. The men fell into it. But it is an opportunity to hang out with pretty women for a weekend and be the centre of attention.
Interestingly, the organizer admitted that there probably isn’t much interest in the Mr. Taboo contest. Nominally it is there because they want to attract more women to the show. But the big benefit is that when the Ms. Taboo contestants are wandering around the show, there are men there with them. Less chance of the them getting harassed by drunk men. Apparently there are a lot of drunk people in Edmonton too, compared to Calgary. So, I’m to provide security, which is laughable.
Each night follows a pattern. Arrive. Change into clothes for the evening. Wander around and schmooze; let people know about the clothes and where to get them; remind them of the contest. Break. At eight o’clock, perform in a fashion show. Go to the photo area and try and convince people to pay to be in pictures with you. Break. More schmoozing. Eleven o’clock, you are done.
The first night, Thursday, they dressed me up in leather. I had to change what I was wearing because when they were sizing me, they never checked my thigh size. Running has ruined that for me. It was pretty dead that night, so it wasn’t too much fun.
Tonight was much better. They had us wearing latex clothing, which moved a lot better than the heavy leather. Easier to get about. There were more people, and they were drunker, so we were actually getting people to be in pictures. Which is surprising because there were actual models and porn stars there. Apparently we are doing better than Calgary.
The latex was a bit awkward when a large man accused me of being gay. I denied it, so he then claimed I was bisexual. Nope. He still looked suspicious, so I explained it was for the fashion show. I think he wanted to go gay bashing.
Tomorrow is the big event. I’ll be bodypainted. Then, after the fashion show, the audience will vote for the winner. But really, we are all winners. Ha ha, no. The winner gets more money, and a real photo shoot. I don’t care about the money, but I would like the photo shoot. I’d like to have a picture of me that I’m not embarrassed about.
My competition will, of course, slaughter me. He’s a former male model. He’s gregarious. He has his own welding business, so he gets good upper body strength. He has a punk mohawk, which makes him more distinctive. I’m a skinny computer programmer with dolphin arms.
He is from out of town, so my best strategy is to stock the audience with as many supporters as possible. He only has his wife. They have given me $300 worth of tickets to give away for just that purpose, but apparently I hang out with a very conservative crowd. (And I thought they were more to the Left.) Nobody wants to go out to see beautiful people. Nope. They are more likely to go out to work at a charity. I still have lots of tickets, but no takers.
The bodypainters were supportive and I’m going to try and go with as much confidence as possible.

Popularity contest

Because I make bad decisions easily, I signed up for the Mr. Taboo contest. It is part of the Taboo Naughty But Nice Show. So, this weekend I will be pretty busy, performing in fashion shows and being an ambassador for the event.
They have given me many free tickets, more than I know what to do with. So, if anyone wants to get into the show for free on Saturday to cheer me on, let me know.


I’m back in Edmonton now. The trip back was actually one of the nicer ones I’ve had. It was fairly efficient.
The bus got me to the Montego Bay airport and I got through security, did my shopping for duty free. I went to Margaritaville with some friends for some lunch, but I have no idea what it was like. My plane started boarding before it came, so I had to book out of there. I hope I didn’t stiff my friends with the bill. It did mean I had to buy an overpriced sandwich on the plane. Oh, and despite being on the menu, hot meals are something that only first class actually can get.
In Toronto I did have a bit of trouble with security. At customs I collected my luggage and then checked it in again once I passed. As usual I put the duty-free rum in the checked baggage because, well, no liquids allowed on carry-ons. Unfortunately, I had forgotten one piece of contraband: a bottle of jerk sauce. That was clearly a terrorist threat. It remains in Toronto.
The Edmonton airport shuttle bus surprised me and was leaving just as I got arrived with my luggage. I actually had enough sleep that going on the run this morning was not a huge battle.

Nappy Time

I took a nap today. The thing is that it is hard to take naps in tropical places. I tried last year when I hadn’t stayed up so late that I saw the sun rise, but never got really to sleep. The heat is not conducive to unconsciousness. I could nap in my room, but when you have a roommate, you never know when you will be interrupted.
But I figured out what to do. I left my room, found a pleasant gazebo with a mattress somewhat near the main area, and let a Gravol do its work on me. A consistent noise is just background and didn’t bother me. Although the screaming on the waterside did punctuate the air at times. But I fell asleep.
Unfortunately the Gravol isn’t completely leaving my system. So I’m not fully awake. Hopefully I’ll wake up more as the night goes along and I drink more caffeine.

Off the Resort

As time goes on it gets harder to write these reports. I’m having too much fun and I need to pack in as much as possible in an increasingly short time. And I am not even describing every detail, because parental discretion is advised.
We just came back from Rick’s Cafe. I jumped in four times. It is still scary, but I’m getting better at it.
The darker it gets though, the harder it is. You need to keep yourself level with your arms out. But you want them at your sides when you hit the water. Well, when the water is hard to see, it is hard to time it.
My jaw hurts. ?!
They tell you at the top that once you are in the water, swim to the right to get to the ladder out of water. The first time I went in there were people there telling me to go to the other way. They seemed official enough (they weren’t) so I went along with it. We swam into a cave and went climbing into a tunnel. It was getting dark there, with only the light from the setting sun to guide us. Is this where they put the bodies of tourists they murder? Eventually they gave me a mask and I swam out through an underwater tunnel. It was very cool.
Earlier in the day I went back to Lobster Island with two woman who were interested in what they heard about it. I bought them a lobster and we watched it get cooked. It was actually traumatic and I probably should say what happened. But then I probably shouldn’t have named him either.

Slow Day

Yesterday afternoon, there wasn’t anything really happening. The biggest excitement I had was helping a model with her photo shoot. I took a few pictures myself, and did my best to learn some techniques from the professionals.
In the evening, after dinner, I hung out with the friends from L.A.. I decided to be a submissive drunk. Whenever I was getting something to drink I asked them what I should have. Actually I said “Dealer’s Choice” and drank whatever they gave me. I think I only had three alcoholic beverages, but I felt really good. Freedom from choice. I did some dancing in the disco, helped them take pictures while they were looking good and generally having a good time.

Don’t ask me to think in the morning

This morning, my roommate got up before me. I was barely awake when he came back 20 minutes later. He told me a woman wanted a massage right now. Was I awake enough to do that? Ah, you’re still asleep, I’ll tell them so.
In my sleep haze, I agreed.
Ten minutes later I awoke enough to figure out what was going on.
You idiot!

Lobster Island

This morning I found a friend that I had talked to yesterday. We borrowed some ocean kayaks and then took them out on to the high seas. The high seas being a fifteen minute paddle to Lobster Island.
It’s a small island off the shore. Beautiful place. However, there are a number of vendors there. Usually they come to the mainland and offer their wares, but this was where the magic happens. Lobsters. They have an open fire and many buttered lobsters cooking there. They looked delicious. Smelled fantastic.
I’m allergic to them by the way.
Still, it had a nice beach. It also had a bit of a jungle, which I haven’t had a chance to be in while in Jamaica. There are no jungles on the resort, and I don’t care to wander into them off the safety of the resort.
Mind you I didn’t wander in much. My friends didn’t bring shoes, so I was by myself. Maybe I’ll come back with better prepared friends.
There were thoughts of trying to paddle all around the island, but the surf looked very choppy by the side. Didn’t look like a good idea. And the ocean sports guy didn’t recommend it either.

Power through the sleep

I needed sleep for a lot of the day, but I didn’t. I skipped my scuba diving because I was tired, and I wanted to attend the second part of the class. That wasn’t as useful as before but I liked the people in it.
There was also a pool party with everyone. That was nice. It’s a good social atmosphere to meet everyone without being exhausted. Although the MC was up until 9:30 this morning, so that isn’t entirely true.
I didn’t eat much for dinner because my presence was required for a fashion show. I enjoyed strutting around with a pretty girl and everyone looking at us. I even got complimented that my fashion walk skills have improved.
The rest of the evening wasn’t that exciting. I spent time with new friends, but karaoke was not that great. I think two days isn’t enough recovery time.

Experiment is over

Caffeine is my friend. It keeps me awake when I’ve only had five hours of sleep. And the cool stuff happens when you are awake, and not asleep in your room.
I am a bit worried about sunburn. I was out participating in a class, and I had bit of trouble staying in the shade. At intermission I grabbed some sunscreen and smeared myself. No burns to report.
I did spend the end of the afternoon with the instructor watching the sunset. He’s a good guy, and it was pleasant to be in a tropical climate and watching beautiful scenery and discussing Canadian comedy bands. We only ended because our group was getting together to take over the Italian restaurant.
The meal was okay; the beef wasn’t Albertan. There was good company, and a nice performance. A woman at our table was also a marathon runner so I spent a lot of time talking to her about running during and after the meal. It was great to meet someone with such a similar interest here. My local friends have said that doing the Death Race has made me a more interesting person and I was able to put that to the test.
If only she didn’t have a girlfriend…
I met the widow again, and I’m not sure I enjoy being around her much. I think she has been without a man for awhile and so was rather forward. I think I feel sorry for her more than attracted. I also got hurt by her ministrations. So, it is safe to say that I will not have intimate relations with people just to have intimate relations.
I did talk to the restaurant performer afterwards and found out she was good friends with the woman I knew in Los Angeles. It was nice to catch up and find out how she was doing. We’ll probably get together tomorrow and do other stuff.

Felt more interesting than it sounds

There was the meet and greet yesterday, but the location was the disco where the air conditioner was broken. The warming appetizers gave the place a fishy smell. Thankfully it was only an hour. There were fried plantains, and I love those things.
Then I had dinner and talked with my German friend.
Afterwards we all hung out in the disco again and watched some performances. Then it was off to Karaoke. I did some duets with a girl and overall had a good time.

Tired, but still going

Scuba diving was cancelled today. The weather wasn’t bad, but apparently it had been windy earlier so the silt had gotten stirred up. Visibility was low. Which is probably for the best as I was up way too late yesterday.
I’ve been trying a bit of an experiment. I’m avoiding caffeinated beverages in the afternoon and evening. Caffeine has been hitting me harder and longer lately, so I’d like to see if I sleep better without it.
Of course sleeping is hard in the cold rooms. They aren’t that cold, and we keep the temperature fairly high, but it is still cooler than the blazing outside. So when you come into the room, it feels like it is freezing. Plus 25 celsius is not freezing. (Literally or figuratively.)
Yesterday a bunch of friends arrived, so the resort is picking up. They were still tired from the trip, so tonight should be even better. But until then, it was nice to see everyone. We did the catch up.
A good friend from Germany brought his “best friend” and she seems fairly nice and I’ve enjoyed being with her. It is making the trip better. We had a nice lunch today, (where one of the hosts was insistent that he should have my Death Race shirt. He does look like he was built to run it.) and I learned a lot about Germany’s view on the world economy. This is why these people make the resort better; you get intelligent conversation from interesting people. In the Swinger’s section I would be surprised to find non-drunk dialogue.
But I did meet a nice woman who was clearly inebriated, but was still rather touch-feely. She was a young widow, but her friend had assigned her husband to chaperone.


Went snorkelling again. I was debating it until I asked myself the crucial question: do I want to do nothing or something? So off I went.
There is a gorgeous girl who was snorkelling yesterday as well. She is a performer who did a great Lady Gaga impression last evening. (Wish she didn’t have a boyfriend.) She is phobic about fish so she gave me her bread with the warning that sometimes they bite.
I don’t think they do, and they haven’t in the past. But when you have a swarm (not a school) of fish around you, all after your bread, your brain starts thinking of piranhas. The fish even follow you around after you have fed them. Hardly surprising.

Down Below

Went diving. The Gallery; maximum depth 50 ft. over a 35 minute period.
Before we even went in, there was a dolphin swimming around the boat. It didn’t hang around, so I never saw it while I was in the water. As usual, it took forever to equalize, but the decongestant I took before probably helped. If the pattern holds, the next time I dive, I shouldn’t have any problem equalizing. It just seems to happen on the first dive of the season.
Although my left ear does feel a bit off right now. I blame the bad ear infection I had back in the early ’80’s.


Last night the music was too loud (darn kids) so I wandered down to the dock. They had a bright light shining into the water, and I saw some fish floating around. I watched them for awhile. I had my legs dangling over the side until I decided that that was a horror film cliche, and it would be better to be safe than sorry. And then a large manta ray swam right under me.
After awhile there was a big splash to my left, at the edge of the light. I saw that a large group of fish had leapt out of the water in all directions. And looking at the area, I thought I saw a small triangle of fin floating just above the water. Shark? Well there goes another cliche.
But after half an hour of watching, I think I determined that it was just the manta ray floating close to the surface. It’s flapping bits would go above the waterline briefly, looking like the stereotypical shark fin.

Editorial Process

I am typing entries on a computer in my room. This way I don’t have to try and remember what happened later when I have access to my blogging account. I previously kept detailed notes on a notepad, but typing is much faster. And I can then copy/paste it. I wouldn’t want to fall behind in my journaling like some people. (You know who you are.)
The second advantage is that when I do finally get around to posting these, I have a second chance to edit myself. There are some things that I write that are better erased after a good night’s sleep.
Heck, I don’t even know if I’m going to keep all of my last entry.

In the waters

Today was fairly restful. The real fun should begin tomorrow. Because I didn’t stay up too late, I got to bed at a decent hour, and so I was up at a reasonable time. I had a good breakfast instead of the dregs of the leftovers. I signed up for scuba tomorrow, and then spent the morning talking to friends on the beach. I’ve gotten sun, but it doesn’t look like a burn. Hopefully I can keep this up. Sun tan lotion applied sensibly.
In the afternoon, I went snorkelling. It wasn’t where I expected it, and was around the corner of the island. They dropped us in the water and we got to swim around some small cliffs and into a protected cove with a small beach. The leader showed us a live conch and white sea urchin. Then we swam through a tunnel to the open ocean and spent some time there. I had brought along some bread and watched the fishes eat it. On the way back we were shipwrecked. Really, the engine broke and another boat had to come and rescue us five minutes later. But shipwrecked sounds cooler.
Afterwards we got back, I took a shower and talked with my roommate before I escaped and found some new arrivals I knew. Then it was just spending time with friends for the rest of the day, with an interruption for dinner.
One of the new arrivals is a woman I met last year. She was very nice, and although married (husband isn’t here), I have, in my mind, put her on a pedestal as a perfect person. And I have to concentrate on separating the fantasy from the reality. I don’t even know how much she likes me, other than that we’ve corresponded over the past year a bit. But she seems friendlier with other people, so it hurts a little, but that is my fault.
I’ve got to be a better, more socially intelligent, person.


I arrived in Jamaica safely. I didn’t sleep much on the second leg, and did get through two movies: Larry Crowne and Bad Teacher. I was sure that my luggage wouldn’t make the trip. Fortunately, I was wrong. It just took forever to get out of the aircraft.
I met some old friends on the bus to the resort. It was nice to catch up with them. Although the rest of the people on it were loud and constantly drinking. And the lady I was sitting next to was very insistent that a woman is never wrong. I declined to be baited by that statement.
Once I got to the resort, I found my roommate had already arrived. I think he may have left an impression with the staff because everyone remembered that there was someone already in my room. I only found out who he was when I sneaked a look at his luggage tags. Oh, I know him. He’s been here every year and is quite well known. He is very… intense. Also, very talkative; he likes to talk about himself and what he is doing. You may need to chew a leg off to be able to escape. But, he is also a driver of activities. With him in the general vicinity, there should always be something interesting going on.
The first thing I did after I dumped everything in my room was to go get something to eat. I went to the little cafe and wolfed down some Jerk Chicken and fries. Very satisfying. Only after did I get around to locking valuables in my safe.
I took a rest in a hammock before joining some people I knew. I drank a bit: mimosa, dirty banana, screwdriver. And while enjoying their company I saw my first real shooting star.
I’ve seen falling stars before, usually the Perseids, but those are just streaks of light. This one was blazing across the sky and I could see it separate into several pieces before disappearing. Very cool.
After awhile, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I found a nice gazebo with a mattress and snoozed for 45 minutes. Then dinner, and a nice long talk with a friend from Newbridge.

Now in Toronto

I’m not really sure how the experiment turned out. During the flight I don’t recall falling asleep. But now that I think about it, I don’t really remember much of the flight. I think I did fall asleep, just not too deeply. I am surprisingly awake right now.
I’m debating taking another Gravol before the next leg of my flight, but then I’ll miss all the entertainment options that Air Canada delivers to my seat.

At the airport

So, yeah, I’m off to Jamaica again. As usual, I have time before my flight, and the Edmonton International Airport has free wireless, so I might as well update my journal. Oddly, it doesn’t have free electricity. The plug I’ve tried to use is doing nothing for my computer.
I’ve gone through security, and was randomly selected for additional screening. (Although it seemed half the people were being randomly selected.) The big machine, which will ensure I never have children, seemed to find something on my back. No idea what it was, but after prodding me there, they let me through. False positive I guess.
I’m trying something different this flight. It is an hour before it leaves, and I’ve taken a Gravol. Not for motion-sickness or nausea, but to hopefully put me to sleep. According to my nurse friend, the primary effect of Gravol is to put people to sleep. The anti-nausea is just a side-effect. I’m already tired, so hopefully the sleeping powers of the pill will put me out so I can actually have a restful night. Instead of the pretending-to-sleep which seems to be my usual lot in flights.
Once I’ve boarded it will be four hours to Toronto, then a four hour layover, then four hours to Montego Bay.
Hopefully everything goes according to plan.