Actually, looking at the last email she sent, I don’t think she even read my explanation; Attributing to malice or stupidity what can be chalked up as ignorance. I really want to email her back and defend myself. Should I be?

It’s amazing how important it is to me to be liked. I never felt liked in school and so I constantly want approval, even now. I’ve noted in another person the same trait, not recognizing it in myself. They got really upset when a person, that didn’t seem to be worth their time, got into a fight with them and would no longer be their friend. I felt that you shouldn’t try to make everyone happy.
And now I’ve done the same thing.
When I’m on vacation, I take pictures. And I want to be a nice, liked, person, so I go out of my way to get copies of the pictures to the people that are in them. I’ve done this in Jamaica and I did it when I was in L.A. I was actually an official photographer for the event organizer. I collect email addresses and try and be diligent at getting the photos to the respective parties as quickly as possible. And afterwards, when I send the event organizer the copies, I don’t include the ones people would prefer were kept private.
And I don’t play favorites; If you are in a picture, I assume you should get a copy.
However, this last time someone said that they didn’t like a picture I had taken; They didn’t like the person that they were in it with, and I should delete it. Note: This was not a photo that was taken surreptitiously; This was a photo that they posed for together. Of course I was only told this after they had seen the picture. i.e. After I had sent the picture to all the people in it.
She is now very upset with me; I have caused drama for her and I have screwed her. I can understand this, but since I was only told not to release it after the fact, there was nothing I could do. I’ve explained my side, and I don’t think she is going to accept my apology. Yes, I did something wrong, but I didn’t know it at the time.
I really want to reply to her last email, to make her understand. I am sure though that this would be a mistake; There is nothing I can say that would calm her down.
So I’ve been feeling horrible lately because a person I barely know, in a different country, hates me for something that I was trying to be nice about.
In a (barely) related topic, I have been waking up in the past two mornings with a lot of pain in my neck. Fortunately I had a therapeutic massage scheduled for this morning, and it looks like the push-ups I do before bed have been too much for me.

I did the Heart and Stroke Big Bike today. I hadn’t planned on it, but my company needed the extra person. Basically, you get donations and then you get to ride the 31 person bike. I don’t know if it is a reward or punishment, especially on a day like today. (Nearly freezing temperatures.)
I didn’t know I needed to get donations when I agreed to replace someone. They kept giving me hints on how to raise the money though, mostly by asking friends and family. That thought actually made me sick to my stomach. I have spent so long hating spam, the idea of sending it out was anathema to me.
I donated money myself, and then got the rest from the person I was replacing.
There was a nice BBQ after.

Many years ago, when I first got CostCo membership I noticed I needed salt. (You can probably tell where this is going.) I was not under the impression that salt would have a best before date, so I got the four pack. Each pack is about 1kg.
Actually salt does seem to go off. It doesn’t go bad but it congeals into a large clump.
I have been finding I need salt lately, but not a big clump of it. (I have one and a half boxes left.)
There is only one question that remains: Will it blend?
Why yes, it will. But I don’t know if I want to breath the “cloud” that comes out when I open the lid.

I was feeling really out of it today. I was wondering if I was coming down with something. Eventually I figured it out. I hadn’t taken in enough calories. After the long run yesterday I should have eaten more. It took awhile, but my body just decided not to put up with me anymore.
I hear this is what makes Survivor boring when the contestants run out of food.
I stopped off for groceries on the way home from work. I wanted dried apples, but I could only find dried apricots. I opened up the bag while driving, and apparently polished off 215g of fruit. I think I’m paying the price now.
The irony of this is that I’m concerned I’m getting fat. My mother and sister commented on it the last time I saw them. And because I haven’t been eating consistently with my exercise, my body is being starved. And a starved body will happily take anything and store it as fat.

It has been quite some time since I updated this. It started out with being busy, but it continued that way because of a combination of laziness and not knowing what exciting thing to put down. Since not much is exciting around here, I wasn’t getting help on that front.
I’m still busy. I really need to get my taxes done and I haven’t even opened up a tax program. I’m concentrating mostly on going through all my financial papers and getting them filed. Once I’ve done that, everything left will be relevant to taxes.
I have still been running insane distances. Today I ran two loops of the four I need to do on my ultra at the end of May. I felt better when I did it this time; Better than last week. Unfortunately, conditions went downhill (and not in a good running way) on the second loop. The first loop was fairly dry and had good traction. I did begin to hate horses for all the wrecking of the trails their hooves have done. When I did the second loop, the snow had started to accumulate, and it was sticky. It didn’t happen to the people I was with, but my shoes kept picking up. Every hundred meters I would have to shake my feet to get off the snowball that had stuck there. If I didn’t, it would feel like I was running in high-heel shoes. Not comfortable.
And to think it was twenty on Tuesday.
A few weeks ago, while I was at my parents I ran through a herd of cows. I had discovered a good loop to run, but some cowboys were shepherding their cows down the road to another field. I asked a small girl on a horse if it was okay to run through, and she said it was okay. She was the only figure of authority I had access to, so I had to trust her. The cowboy at the other end of the herd told me I was very lucky. Cows are protective of their calves. In my heart I knew that already, which is why I tried to stay as far from the cows as possible. I did help get a few of them into their new field quicker though.

I have arrived at my parent’s place. Hopefully this will be a vacation.
My father has been back home from the hospital for about a week now. He is still weak though. He actually looks better than before he got sick. That’s because he lost a lot of weight, and he was somewhat overweight before.
However he needs a new wardrobe. His pants are actually falling down. My sister describes it as a “bad vaudeville act”.

Last Sunday I saw two friends. Like a lot of my friends, they are former co-workers. One of whom I hadn’t seen for a long time. I noticed one thing; They looked like adults. They are also doing adult things, and generally acting like adults. One is married, the other is moving out of town for a job opportunity.
I don’t feel like an adult.
Honestly, I don’t feel like much of anything.
I have lately found work unfulfilling. I like programing. I can even enjoy tracking down bugs in code if I feel like I’m making progress. But that isn’t happening. I’m stuck in processes. And trying to replicate bugs that aren’t replicating on my machine. (You can’t fix what you can’t see.)
I did an experiment. I worked on my own personal programming project and fixed a bug that had been there for a long time. And I felt good. I accomplished something. This proved to me that I like programming. I just don’t like work. The daily drudge of frustration.
So I’m feeling down.
I did get a perk up when I received an email via my dating service from a girl interested in me.
So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

On Saturday morning I ran 47.4km. That is a long distance.
The traction was good enough. I had cleats in my backpack, but I didn’t wear them. There were moments when it would have been nice, but it didn’t seem worth it.
Because I left for the run in a rush, I didn’t have a chance to bring my newspaper in. It took me quite awhile to notice, but it was missing when I came back home. Someone stole my newspaper!
It is apparently sunny enough that I have gotten tanned/burnt. At least I have color in my face again. Although the haircut I got later today has revealed pale spots.
Because I did the run on Saturday, I don’t have to do it Sunday morning. Which means I can stay out late on Saturday night.

It has started to happen. The signs have been appearing.
Last year, training for an ultramarathon sucked all my free time away. I didn’t have time for any other activities. Or chores. It is already happening now. I wake up, going over the things I need to do, and realize that I can’t figure out when I will have time to do any of them.
I live for the weekend, when I think I will have time to do things, but I still don’t. By then I’m too tired to actually get around to doing the work I need to do.
I wanted to have a party next month. There is no way I can get this place cleaned up in time for one.

The worst part is that I know there are people who are going to be saying “I told you so.”

Battlestar Galactica ended over the weekend. Despite having cable and recording it, I still downloaded it off the internet. I guess my computer has higher quality than VHS. And less commercials.
My thoughts on it: “You got your religion in my science-fiction!” “You got your science-fiction in my religion!” It was like the Matrix trilogy all over again.
But now that it is over, the only television show I ever watch, I don’t need cable. I canceled it yesterday.
They did try and convince me to, instead of canceling, to get digital cable. And it was a convincing argument. I would be more likely to watch television if I could control it better than with a VHS machine that likes to eat tapes. But I don’t have time to watch the stuff I have on DVD.

Last night was fairly sleepless.
Not because my father is getting worse. He seems to be much better. His spirits are up, although they went down a bit when he found I was returning back to Edmonton. But I have a job I really should be doing.
No, last night was sleepless because the dog got its comeuppance. It took several days, but I think the frozen roast has had its revenge. At around midnight, the dog started acting strange. He would not settle down. He wandered all through the house, with loud clicking sounds from his nails on the hardwood floors. He would find someone in bed, growl them awake, and demand attention like he wanted something. With me he was generally happy with ear scratching, but that didn’t let me sleep. With my sister, he got up onto her bed and paced on that.
Was he hungry from his new diet? Well, he ate food but wouldn’t settle down. Were his muscles aching from the run I subjected him to? He ate the baby aspirins, but continued his pacing.
After taking him for a walk today we figured he was constipated. Although why that makes him antsy, we don’t know.

My father appears to be getting better today. I didn’t see him; The family decided to just have his brother spend quality time with him. But we’ve kept up on updates via cell phone. He has been alert today and the doctors are optimistic. For me, the big sign was that he wanted his new iPod Touch to play with. (We had gotten him one as a present early on but he was too sick to use it.) If he’s getting bored then he must be getting better.
I think I might head back to Edmonton tomorrow.

I don’t trust good news anymore. My father’s state is so up and down; It’s an emotional roller coaster. I had some lingering doubt after all the good news of the morning.
My uncle is coming in to see my father. The original plan had been to serve him a roast that my mother had in the freezer. But over the weekend, an emergency call came in, so my mother and sister left quickly to be with him. My mother had thought she had left the meat to defrost on the counter far enough away from the edge so that the dog couldn’t get it. She was wrong. He ate the whole thing. The whole frozen thing, including the bones.
On an unrelated note, the dog is now going on a diet.
The family went to Costco to get more supplies. While there we called my father and it sounded like things were getting worse. My mother was very shaken by this news. One minute later, an employee with one of those crate-moving pull carts bumped into her. She was hurt, and when the employee turned to try and help her, he did not notice that he caused the metal handle to hit her in the head. Bad timing. She tore him a new one and stomped off. My sister then chewed out some other people for laughing. The employee must have had a bad day because he looked like he was about to cry.
Were a little emotional right now.
My father says he is feeling better. The doctor think that when he had the reaction to the penicillin, his body started producing a lot of acid which has been eating at him. They plan to give him clotting agents to try and stop the bleeding in his intestines and other medicine to heal the ulcers. In the meantime they are going to keep giving him blood.
Donate blood.

My father called and said that his doctor is “As pleased as punch.”
This is a good thing.
However, he still needs lots of rest. We’ll see him in the afternoon.

I got a call from my family with news that my father wasn’t doing well. The doctor, when asked if I should come down, said “definitely”. That is not a good sign.
He is bleeding internally. A lot. He has ulcers in his stomach and sores all along his intestine. The doctors put him on a complete diet. He wasn’t allowed any food and only got nutrients intravenously; They didn’t want his stomach producing acid. They really aren’t sure what is going on with him.
Today they decided to let him eat again and that seems to have helped a lot. He was practically inhaling food. Apparently he is more alert and, I don’t know what this means, his hemoglobin count is climbing. So I think he is getting better.
I went directly to the hospital from Edmonton and spent an hour with him before I let him go to sleep. So I think he is doing better, but things have changed overnight before.

I saw the Watchmen movie over the weekend.
I don’t know if it was a mistake, but I reread the comic right before going to see the movie. So I was continually comparing the movie to the comic. The Watchmen is to comics what Citizen Kane is to movies. Be forewarned.
There were times in the movie when I felt it was rushed. The comic had more time to develop scenes, and the movie rushed through those. But, if the movie hadn’t been rushed, it would have been too long. And the length was pretty appropriate; I did not feel exhausted coming out of the theatre.
Of course there were other changes, and there was a big one central to the whole plot. But I like the change; It made everything fit together better. The comic could have been improved by it.
They also did a very good job with the music in the movie. Very period appropriate, but also theme appropriate. “Everybody wants to rule the world” playing in the background of the guy who obviously does. The Bob Dylan song in the opening credits was also perfect. (I should go buy that song.) And there is only one song you can ever play now when their are helicopters in Vietnam.
Go see it.

Today was a bad day at work. It started out well, but fell apart in the last half hour.
Since I’ve been given to a new project I have felt like I’m not pulling my weight. I’m supposed to be fixing bugs, but I don’t know the code and I’m frequently trying to fix bugs I can’t reproduce. Today I started work on a bug that I felt like I was making progress on. I felt good about myself.
Up until I found out that a senior programmer was working on the same bug and had just fixed it. The only good part of fixing bugs is the catharsis that comes from actually fixing it. So I got all of the pain, and none of the joy. And I continue to feel stupid and unhelpful.

I’m heading back to Edmonton this evening. Usually on Mondays I hold a movie night, a party to watch a movie. Since I am not there I have someone else running it. In other words they will be having a party at my place. I will probably be arriving home at some point in the evening which means I will be crashing the party.
S. thinks that “You can’t crash gatherings at your own house.” which I’m going to have to take as a dare.
In my head, the way to crash a party is to burst in, uninvited, and make yourself at home. That sounds really easy if it is your own home. (Is it my home? I have a squatter there right now.) But is that enough? It does sound like I’m not putting in enough effort. So I have to think of other ways to effectively crash a party.

My father’s health is up and down. Yesterday he was doing better, but today he was worse. I saw him for the first time today, and he did look scary. He looked far worse than anything I’ve seen on TV in a medical show. But the hospital he is in seems to be good. The doctor is quite young. The nurses are extremely helpful. He has a spectacular view of the reservoir from his room, but he is in no condition to enjoy it.
He is in pain. He has a lot of gas in him, and when he hiccups it is clear that it hurts a lot. He ate for the first time since Tuesday today. Just half a bowl of room temperature soup. Unfortunately he also tried some pineapple but the acidity made them a bad idea. He seems to be doing best when he has water. Tomorrow they are doing a routine procedure to check for blood clots.
It seems though that having a lot of people show up, me and my mother, is too much excitement for him. We’ll see how he is doing tomorrow before we decide how many people visit him.
I would like to thank all my friends for their support in this trying time.

My father is sick. Literally.
I’m not completely sure of the details, but I think he has had an allergic reaction to some penicillin that a dentist gave him awhile ago. He has been transferred to two different hospitals in search of a doctor who knows what they are doing. He is probably going to be in the latest hospital for a week.
It has been touch and go, but they are fairly sure he will be okay. It may take him months to recover though. I hear he looks like a monster.
I’m going to go down to Calgary to see him and give my family support. I’ll leave after work tomorrow.
This all started on his birthday.
My father is getting old, and I’m worried. He is a good father, but at the same time, he is rather distant. I suspect this is true of a lot of people; that their father was always busy with work. So I don’t know how well I know him.
One of the things I’m most concerned about is that he may never know his grandchildren. That I consider a personal failing. I would like to have a family of my own, but I have been making terrible progress towards that. And I know my father would make a perfect grandfather. I wish I could give him some grandchildren.

I’m turning into a little girl.
It started innocently enough, as these things are wont to do. I came back from a vacation to find that my housesitter had left me the gift of a small Gund bear. I stuck it on a shelf, nominally calling it Winston.
Then my parents gave me their backup dog, an adorable stuffed husky. I set him next to my Nintendo with a tennis ball that he has guarded faithfully to this day.
On my trip to Disneyworld I grabbed a stuffed Disney character. I’m obviously embarrassed about this one because I’ve hidden him in my closet.
In Los Angeles I attended a Doctor Who convention. Since there is a lot of overlap in science-fiction fans I was able to buy a tribble. Painfully fun to abuse.
I now have four stuffed “animals” living in my place.

I’m not even counting the duck made out of hand towels that I nabbed from the hotel at Disneyworld.

I have now left Los Angeles. I skipped breakfast with the plan to eat at the airport, but LAX thwarted me. Well, actually they thwarted themselves. Instead of helping the local economy, I spent my time waiting in lines to get my ticket, to have someone eyeball my ticket, to get through security, and to get on the plane. Their loss.
Surprisingly, no one offered to sell me food on the plane.
So, now I’m in Vancouver. Thankfully they have food here and aren’t as anal-retentive about security.
Either that or I have oceans of time between my flights.

I was outright lazy today. Since I was up so late, I slept in. Considering that my hostess was still in Vegas, there was no pressing reason to do anything. Which is also a problem. When confronted with too many options, I seem to be incapable of choosing any. Eventually, when I did decide on something, most of the day was already gone. It didn’t help that the weather here is somewhat inclement. My plan to go running in Griffith park didn’t seem like a good idea. So instead I went and did some shopping.
When she finally did return, after a brutal drive, (A storm was hitting from Mexico or Oregon that caused a lot of delays.) I took her out to dinner.
From the top of her building there is a nice view of downtown Los Angeles. I probably should get a picture of that. Or I could just go to bed.

She went off in the early afternoon to Las Vegas to see her concert. I now have the place to myself. She should be back tomorrow.
I spent the afternoon and early evening going on a walking tour of downtown Los Angeles. A co-worker had loaned me a travel book describing a good route. However, it isn’t as exciting as it sounds. I saw a lot of buildings, and that was about it. There weren’t many activities. Actually there was one, and it was one of the first stops; The library was having an exhibition on maps. I wandered through it.
I may have been discovered though. While passing in front of the Walt Disney Hall (a buildiing both beautiful and ugly at the same time) there was a truck with a camera on an extended arm. It was either filming people on the sidewalk or a car. It might have been a car commercial? Either way, I was in a background.
After the tour, I went and had a Japanese dinner, then back home. A short nap followed by getting ready to go out.
The party itself wasn’t great. It was entertaining, and I knew a lot of people, but the venue was too big. There was too much space.
Still, I was there until well past four. Now I need to go to sleep. But it isn’t as bad as it should be. I’m getting jetlag to work for me.

The party I went to tonight was fun. I saw a lot of people I knew. There were good performances. I didn’t drink.
My hostess and I had travelled there separately. We decided to leave at the same time. I followed her car all the way back to her place. But since I wasn’t in her car I didn’t know the drama going on. The people here will constantly text message and phone while they are driving around. I’m surprised there aren’t more accidents, but I guess they are evolving quickly here.
Anyway, she was having a fight with an ex-boyfriend. She stayed in her car for some time, continuing the arguments. I still don’t know the details, but her friends from down the hall were very supportive of her. The gist that I got was that she had been intending to go to a concert tomorrow evening, but he was taking the ticket back from her. From everything I’ve heard about him, he seems to be a leech, but she is so loving that she continues to let him treat her poorly.
She cried.
We took her out to a 24 hour restaurant and she seems to have recovered. It looks like there are plans afoot that should get her into her concert tomorrow.