There is a ship out there.

Last night there were lights on the horizon. Today I see a ship in the distance. It’s dark now and the lights are lit on board the ship and it is in the same spot.

Is it just staying there.

Having fun outside the twelve nautical mile limit?

Are they more hedonistic than the resort?

Augh. A herd of naked fat people walked by. I’m blind.

The biggest problem with all the people I know leaving, is that my camera is now a liability. Nobody I know to snap a picture of. No one I trust to take of picture of me.

Snorkling was disappointing. The best part was that I could just float in the water. Otherwise there is no deep water around here. I guess they don’t want drunk people drowning.

Anyway, they set us out in a glass bottom boat, which was a lot cooler than I thought it would be. It’s not just for old people anymore. Mind you it wasn’t a tour, but still fascinating to watch.

Then they dumped us in the water and ignored us. No information. No chumming the water. No tour. So I floated around a bit.

I got back and went to the front lobby to say goodbye to people. There was a travel group with a registration table there. They were happy to talk to people. I’m now wearing an orange wristband which means I’m a single male looking for casual sex.

Let’s see where this leads.

I only have ten minutes before I head off to snorkling. So I’ll try and recount what I can.

Yesterday started out nicely. This girl wanted breakfast in bed, so I ravaged the dining area for vegetarian dishes and brought it over to her room. I ended up spending the rest of the day with her. Unfortunately, she has a boyfriend in Canada. (She’s from Dallas.) But she is drop dead gorgeous and fun to hang around.

The only time I wasn’t with her was when a show was being put on. I was needed as a stagehand. It was an important job because some of the shows were messy. Food everywhere and tarps were needed to keep it clean. In one, they needed additional people for ambiance, so I filled in there as well.

After the show it was fairly maudlin. The group I was with was ending its event, so a lot of people would be leaving the next day. Goodbyes were said. I treated it like my last night and stayed up until 5:30. I had the advantage that I didn’t need to pack though.

I probably should have napped in a hammock.

After the excursion, there was a bit of a pool party. I couldn’t stay for long; there was a fashion show rehearsal I needed to help with.

There was an odd moment. I would have liked to be in it, instead of just backstage. The director simply sold me “You can’t.” She didn’t do a good job of explaining why.

The show itself went well and I can’t complain. I was in the back, surrounded by beautiful women needing help getting into oh-so-very tight clothing.

Good times.

I talked to the producer and organizer later and both were surprised I wasn’t in it.

This morning I saw the hot tub where the girl painted purple had washed herself. It had a purple haze to it, and there was a worker looking at it who didn’t seem happy.

The plan today was scuba diving. But plans change. I had a once in a lifetime opportunity to go on a cool excursion to Dolphin Cove for incredibly cheap.

All it cost was my soul. Ha ha.

No, unless you count dealing with dolphins in any aqua park damage to your soul. All I had to do was sign a model release form so they can use pictures taken for promotions.

This was for a bunch of us. Way cooler than seeing a few fish underwater.

We first swam into a bay where dolphins were kept. In theory the dolphins could leave any time by leaping over the rocks (which is how the park kept the moral high ground) but then they wouldn’t get all the free fish.

Anyway, each small group gets a pair of dolphins. They swim among you before they start interacting. A drive-by swim letting you feel them. Then they take a photo of the dolphin kissing you and then you kissing them. (If the person ahead of you had bright lipstick that rubs off on sea mammals, you start getting a trashy looking dolphin.) Next the dolphins take you for a quick spin around the water while you hold their dorsal fins. It concludes with the dolphins pushing you around with their noses on your feet. Our group had a petite ballerina. She was actually pushed enough that she was out of the water with the dolphins visible. Most people stayed quite in the water. Maria became very sucky over dolphins and had a goofy grin on her face the entire time.

After dolphins came sharks. Only a limited number got to swim with the sharks and touch them. Since we were all so uninhibited we had too many people who wanted to try. To be fair, we let only the women go. It looked fun.

Then came stingrays. I got to hold one for awhile. They feel like they have a layer of jelly all over them. There were showers to wash off the sea water, but it came directly from Dunn’s River Falls. Which apparently made it too cold for the Americans. I am Canadian, and it felt fine.

Finally, after a quick lunch, we went through a nature trail. The first stop was a bored looking donkey. Things got better quickly. The parrot part was next. You got to hold one, as it played dead in your hands, and let others crawl over you. They kept taking my sunglasses off the top of my head and throwing them to the ground.

Next was a constrictor we got to hold. Then a large iguana. After that we headed back to the resort. I could have purchased pictures of the event, but they were really expensive.

Yup. Alcohol is a depressant. I had two rum punches. Oh, first some weed, then the drinks. Now several hours later, I’m feeling slightly down.

And I have no reason. I spent a lovely evening with two models. First while setting up for the fashion show, making sure everyone was happy, and had what they needed, including volunteers in the audience

Then at the disco, and back to their rooms where I took more pot than ever before. Which isn’t hard to do. I didn’t feel any different, just slightly light-headed. I don’t even have the munchies.

The night was concluded with karaoke where I belted out several good tunes. One woman pleasantly trying to distract me while I did. The organizer was too stoned to do much, but we steered her well.

So, a good evening marred by slight depression.

The day was slow. A lot of people I knew went on the Dunn’s River Falls cruise. I stayed behind; Been there, done that and expensive. Another bunch are going to the dolphin petting zoo (name probably not right, but the spirit is) tomorrow. Expensive, and I’ll go scuba diving instead.

I had a lunch conversation with a guy. He’s dating a famous actress, so he had stories to tell. I didn’t want to know her name, but I think I could figure it out if I wanted.

In the afternoon I “supervised” a fashion show I ran across. (good pictures from that.) Then I helped the body painter. I painted the lower half of a nubile young woman blue. (Good.) Then a man silver. (Not so good.) Two other girls were painted for a rainbow of colors (Green and purple). Got pictures of that too.

I felt horrible this morning. My stomach was really queasy. I might have even thrown up. But an Advil and a half hour rest on the beach and I was better.

I wanted to be good because I was in a fashion show tonight with two beautiful models. Conveniently roommates. Thankfully I was better by then and put on a good show. It was very nicely organized, and was received quite well. The only bad part was when someone messed up and caused me to fall and hit my head. I was blindfolded at the time. The producer was terrified of have a quadriplegic on his hands, but I barely noticed it. People were talking about it afterwards.

I loaned my watch to the organizer to help with her cues. But I lost track of her. Now I’ve been watchless for too long. It’s like being naked. And you don’t want to be naked in a place like this.

I spent a lot of the evening with the two beautiful models. Occasionally I was dared to try something stupid. Well, you know me and dares.

The pretty women will be on the Dunn’s River Cruise tomorrow. I wasn’t planning on going because I did it last year. Still, it is the best chance to go swimming around here. It is fun. And I would like to be the man spending time with the two girls instead of it being someone else.

There was an elegant dinner at the Pastafari restaurant. But it was too hot! The A/C had broken, so we were boiling. Conversation died as I was in a trance.

During this there was a contest for a free week for two at Hedonism next year. The winner was a friend of mine, who is getting married later this week. He strongly suspects that he wasn’t competing, but was gifted the prize. The arguments for that were that to get past the first few rounds required drawing good cards from a deck. The people passing around the cards were known magicians. And there was a logic to the way he made it past the final round in the word association game. I did talk to a competitor later who swears he wasn’t told to throw the match.

When dinner was over, the rain was torrential. I decided to accept it instead of fighting it. I wandered around in a swimsuit and a waterproof case for the camera. I scouted several places, but they were all dead as people took shelter in their rooms.

Early to bed now.

I woke up at ten o’clock. Once awake, I can’t sleep. So I’m ready to greet the day on less than five hours sleep.

I’m surprisingly alert. Warm weather helps. But I was in a siesta-like trance for part of the afternoon.

I did find out this morning that I hadn’t set the correct time on my camera. So I have to time mark previous pictures manually now.

Know what will really improve your mood? Besides food.

Staying up until 5:00 in the morning with a beautiful model who thinks you’re hot. Conclude it with making out, and it really perks you up.

This evening, after dinner, there was an auction of people/services. Using the equivalent of monopoly money I outbid everyone else. My success let me be a helper to a model when she ran the karaoke tonight. (It’s a weird economy.)

Karaoke was poorly organized so I was definitely needed. It went well, and I sang a few songs. I was my usual helpful self, and she appreciated it. She asked me to come back next year. When I pressed her on why not this year (I am here alone) things started getting better.

After karaoke, at two o’clock in the morning we danced alone in the disco. We wandered around a bit looking for people doing stuff. (I think the crazy lady was making out with my roommate.) But the biggest problem was that she had had “42 mudslides”. I can’t vouch for the number, but I can for the product. Nice guy mode: Don’t take advantage of the drunk. Even if they are hot.

After meeting with people in the jacuzzi at four in the morning we spent time soaking. At five they left and I was able to direct her home. We made out in the stairwell, and then I took her to her door, and let her sleep it off.

I didn’t sleep that well last night.

I’m starting to get depressed. I’m in paradise, but that doesn’t change who I am. I can’t talk to girls. I see people hooking up and being happy, but I’m not one of them.

However, I think I know a way out of this sad state.

Food!

I barely had any lunch. It’s hot enough that I don’t feel like eating. I’m going to blame that.

Other than that, it’s been raining a lot. Which might be good. Hedonism will give you a free night’s stay if the weather is bad. But it screwed up a fashion shoot I helped with. They had finished primary photos and were about to do a video when it started pouring. The half hour delay meant that it started getting dark while they were filming. Still, I got to help out and hang around beautiful models and being a nice guy.

Of course, nice guys finish last.

I’ve got circles under my eyes. Good vacation.

I had breakfast. Found some people from Victoria here. So I’m no longer the only representative of Western Canada.

I’m still the rep of the prairie provinces.

It took about two hours to get to the resort, which I suppose is good time.

I was tired, but I freshened up and went to the dinner party in the courtyard. I saw a lot of familiar faces and it was nice to re-acquaint with them, and make semi-plans for the rest of the week.

I need to talk to the person. who is organizing the shows. Last year I enjoyed helping put them on, so I’ll need to volunteer with her this year.

I think I’m in the same room as two years ago. Or at least an adjoining one. The 900 building. From talking, all the coolest people seem to be in this one. Rocking!

I’ve been aggressive with the camera and taking pictures often. With an iPod to download to, I have the space.

At around 11:00 I was in the quad jacuzzi with a bunch of people. At around 11:30 I fell in with an interesting girl. I would like to stress “interesting”. I even told her so.

Around 1:30 the mind games went wild. I’ll be the first to admit a lack of understanding of women, but this was weird. Apparently I was insanely jealous and/or in love with her. (News to me.) So I got slapped a few times for not doing stupid things for her.

I’m fairly sure alcohol was involved.

Arrived!

Re: Last entry

Amber has a boyfriend. She is from my hometown though so we had a nice conversation.

In customs I realized I forgot to bring a hat.

But all my luggage arrived safely and quickly.

With my free time I phoned an old friend who lives in Toronto. I haven’t seen her in fifteen years, but I did get in touch with her a bit over a year ago and I’ve been reading her blog.

I looked over an old email of hers and found out she is now my co-worker.

The in-flight movie will probably be Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. I’ve seen it already, so I’ll do other stuff. Like watch a movie on my iPod, read my camera manual, or talk to the pretty girl traveling alone sitting next to me.

I didn’t sleep on the flight here. The movie was one I hadn’t seen, so I stayed awake for You, Me, and Dupree. Which was probably for the best as I was fighting for arm space with the fat lady next to me.

Since I have a five hour stopover. I found a corner of the boarding area, curled up, and pretended to sleep. Not very good for sleep, but I feel more alert now.

Ha ha! I successfully snuck a tube of toothpaste through security. I feel so evil. The catalyst of my life of crime is a lack of trust in Air Canada.

The last time I flew to Jamaica, one of my suitcases decided to stay in Toronto and enjoy the sights. That suitcase had all my toiletries. So, this time, I tried to have the bare necessities in my carry-on. That meant toothpaste.

Actually, my biggest fear was my new iPod. I purchased it via the Apple store, which let me laser engrave it for free. Not having anything better to do, I put the name of the two web addresses I own on it. One of them is www.airwreck.org. If you were paranoid, that would be a terrorist threat, but really, say it out loud and it’s my name.

I left home too early. I forgot that my planned departure time already had a half hour padded on to it in case of emergency. So my leaving early “just in case” was not one of my better ideas.

Of course I get better peace of mind, at the expense of waiting around for even longer.

My new pen refused to let any ink out. I’m using the backup pen. I hope this isn’t an ill omen.