I tried to do a good amount of exercise today. I’m supposed to run every second day, to allow my knee time to recover. But I lazed out yesterday. So I did an hour on the treadmill and then went to the pool immediately after and aquajogged for nearly two hours. It is coming close to approximating what I used to do for running.
I also, quite literally, drop-kicked my iPhone into the wall. I had it lying on the treadmill so I could listen to it while I ran. Then I accidentally caught the headphone cord with my hand. It yanked it off the ledge, where it fell right into my foot and from there into the wall. Still works, but somewhat embarrassing.
But on Tuesday I will go outside and do an actual run. It will be the first time I’ve actually pounded payment in months. (I’m of course forgetting about the embarrassing incident with running the dog in deep snow.) Then we’ll see what the future holds for me.

I think I understand addicts better now. They waste their life in hopes of getting the thrill that the roll of the dice, the slurp of liquid, or the puff of the joint, will get them.
For me it is the joy of figuring something out about my program. It makes me feel good about myself. When I look for a job, I don’t feel good about myself. Instead it fills me with self loathing. It needs to be done for me to get on with my life. But with programming I get satisfaction now.
Today I discovered a solution to a problem I’ve been pondering.
My map program looks fairly good, but I’m not sure if it is correct. I can generate the surface of a planet, but is the shading looking anything accurate? Do real mountains look that way?
I’ve been able to get real-world data in, but only incredibly detailed information on a small area. It comes out looking quite nice. But my program usually thinks in terms of entire planets. And I’ve noticed that the mountains don’t have shading, because relatively, they are too shallow. If only I could compare them to what the real world would show in my program.
But today I discovered a way to get real world data into my program. There are web services out there that will return the elevation if they are given a coordinate. I just need to use that appropriately, and I will be able to get the real world displayed.
I wonder how it will look?

I got back my MRI on my knee today. Well, I got a summary over the phone. I don’t have the actual radiologist’s report. I can summarize it easily enough:
Knee looks fine.
Which means I have no idea what is going on with it. I still feel pain in it occasionally, but that has been going down. The past while I’ve been very gentle on it. It has probably helped that I’m not going to work; no uncomfortable desk to sit at or awkward stairs to navigate.
I saw the physical therapist today, and told her the summary. Her theories include, a false positive, meniscus has healed, or it was only an irritated meniscus. In any case, the inflammation was nearly gone.
I will still continue to be gentle with it, but because of the MRI, I actually got to run today. For the first time since January 26th, I was able to jog. Only one kilometre. And the entire time I had a goofy grin on my face. I was allowed to go further, but there was some soreness, and I didn’t want to push anything. Afterwards there was some more inflammation, but it went away after awhile.
Could this be the road to recovery?

I’m wondering how much of my current problems can be related to my knee injury.
Its injury has caused two direct effects: I can’t run anymore, and I have to do physical therapy.
Because I am doing physical therapy, there are many evenings where I came home from work, do the exercises I need to, and don’t get to dinner until after nine o’clock. I was exhausted constantly. And most importantly, I didn’t have a chance to read computer books to better myself. Would I have, if I had had the chance? We’ll never know for sure. But more knowledge may have let me keep my job.
Because I couldn’t run, there are two effects from that. First, I have one less way to deal with stress. I can’t recall the last time I had an endorphin rush. Any I have been very stressed lately. Secondly, my long sunday runs gave me a good support network. I could talk to my friends about issues over a long period and get their advice. And I could be sure they couldn’t walk out on me, because, well, they couldn’t. I trust their opinion, even if it does cause me to sign up for stupid-distance runs. I don’t have that outlet anymore.
Note: I love the Friday Feasts, but they are not a good outlet for support. There are too many people there sometimes, and I don’t like speaking about personal issues in front of a crowd. I get better support from the quieter movie nights.

This isn’t entirely unexpected, but I still am not happy that I got laid off today.
I’ve been sensing that I wasn’t performing to expectations for the past month. I’ve been working hard to try and make good software, but not everything went well. It didn’t help that the software library I was using was totally inadequate for the needs. But, for the four months and a week I was employed I did a lot of learning and I’m a better programmer for it.
I got a hint that I was being let go when yesterday I was asked to write down everything I knew about the big project I had started with. And when I was finished today I was laid off. That part actually went fairly well. They complemented me on my skills and intelligence. The big problem was that I wasn’t able to quickly adapt to new projects. Since the company is entirely focused on new projects, that was a problem.
I said my good byes and tried to make it as easy as possible for everyone. My co-workers seemed rather shell-shocked. Before leaving I did my best to help whoever took over my projects to transition easily; I left notes on problems to look out for and commented on the feasibility of future plans. Being upset and being difficult will not help anyone, so why do it.
Although I’m hoping that whoever takes over the last project will have as hard a time as me. That library sabotaged me, and if it continues to cause problems for the next person, I’ll look better.
Surprisingly, when I was going out the door, one of the partners came from across the office to give me a final goodbye. He had liked working with me and was sorry to see me go. That was nice.
I don’t feel bad about the company, and I wish them well. But it was very stressful working for them; I never felt I was doing good enough and since I was having difficulties with the code and requests, I rarely got complimented for doing good things. I like being told I did a good job. And it’s hard to get that, when you haven’t done a good job.
I found it difficult to come home. Well, the journey wasn’t the problem, but the being alone with myself was. When things are going bad, I don’t like to think about it. If I dwell on it, I get depressed. Thankfully I was able to go to the Friday Feast and talk to friends.
Unfortunately, the most frequent subject to come up was jobs. Someone is thinking of transitioning, someone else got a new job, and someone is leaving their job to go traveling for a year.
I’ve had better days.

I suppose I should do an update on my knee. It is a somewhat depressing subject for me, so I have been avoiding it.
It has been getting better, but for the past few weeks it hasn’t been improving much.
Last week I went to see an actual doctor about it. She chewed me out for not seeing her earlier. (My physical therapist did say that they would have likely just prescribed six weeks of physical therapy. Maybe I’m not that bad.) She agreed it was a meniscus tear. She wants me to get an MRI.
I got an X-Ray on Friday to prepare for it. It didn’t reveal anything, so I’m good to go for the MRI. However, the appointment I was given was in the middle of May.
But in Alberta we have a two-tiered health system. So I can pay for an MRI out of pocket and go earlier. Hopefully my recovery will then go faster. I do not like the idea of supporting the two-tier system, but you go to battle with the health system you have, not the health system you want.
I could have gone tomorrow for the MRI, but I’m going to wait until Tuesday.
I’m losing hope of doing the Death Race.

I just finished watching The Book of Eli. I enjoyed it. I have made no secret that I’m an atheist, but I liked the religious angle of this movie. It made no excuses that it was Christian and even gave some hints of divine inspiration. But because it was upfront about it, I found it better. If it had tried to be broad and appeal to all religions, it wouldn’t have felt sincere. The Christian mythology made it feel complete.
I feel the same way about the show Supernatural. I’m in the fourth season and there is a war going on between angels and demons, heaven versus hell. But it is also following Christian mythology there. It makes it feel realer that they are going with this scenario and not going to pretend to take other religions into account.
I suppose it is because they have picked one religion, it has a theme that you can relate to. You know some of the rules. If it had tried to go too far into political correctness, it would have had to invent its own mythology from scratch. And then you wouldn’t know the rules.
And then when the rules are broken, it becomes more effective. In the show, the angels are not that caring. Defeat hell is the first concern. If wiping out a town of innocent humans would help, then let’s do it.
I think Buffy the Vampire Slayer suffered from this a bit. They never explicitly backed any religion. So the big bad was always something of their own creation. It loses some of the impact if you have to be told something is evil and nasty, than just being told it’s Lucifer.
Nazi’s make the best villains.

Today, my mother and father were expressing their concerns about ultra-marathons. They were saying something about how it would lead to injuries (pfft) and that it would cause me problems in my old age.
I asked them about their smoking habit when they were young.

I think ultra-marathons make me look cool.

Yesterday a co-worker was mentioning that the price of car registration was going to be increasing in April. So if you haven’t registered yet, now would be the time. I thought I was lucky because I registered back in January.
Wait a minute… I don’t actually remember registering back in January.
Because my car is illegal, and it would be better for the environment I decided I would do a bunch of walking today. Exercise might help my knee?
I walked to the car registration office, and promptly realized that I had forgotten to bring my car’s insurance. That wouldn’t have been a problem if I had driven. (I was able to get the information by phone.)
Afterwards I walked to Earth’s General Store to pick up my half-pound of worms for use in composting. There I find that half-a-pound of worms comes in a lot of dirt. Oh, and I should buy a better composting bin. If only I had a way to carry this all…
I returned later in my car.
Being environmental is hard.

Life is hectic. I have time for four things these days.

1. Work
   Work is going well. It is incredibly busy though. I feel pressured to perform and finish things as soon as possible, and there is a chance I’m under impossible deadlines.
   I had a talk with an old co-worker who got laid off a year before me. He is making a lot more money than I am. But the way I’m thinking of it, is that for the last couple of years at my previous job, I was unfulfilled, and not doing my best. I probably did not deserve the salary I was getting. Now I’m learning again, and I enjoy my work. I get to create. I’ll start deserving a good salary eventually.
2. Exercise
   This is taking up an insane amount of time. I’m going out and exercising more often now than when I was running. I leave work, go aquajogging, then go home late at night. As a friend pointed out, I’m exercising and not training. Which is a big difference. Training was accomplishing new heights in preparation for a big challenge. Now I’m just exercising to get back to where I was. Not nearly as fulfilling.
3. Eating
   Still have to do this. I’m trying to cut down my intake so I don’t get fat.
4. Sleep
   I’m not getting enough of this

I have no time for recreation. On the weekends I usually have to spend time recovering from the week and getting my life in order. Cleaning up messes the busy week has created is a big part.
I’m tired.

I like to keep busy. Maybe it makes me a more interesting person, but I also hate being left alone with my thoughts. They are invariably dark and depressing. Better to not give them a chance to fester.
Today is a good example. My family is visiting and there was an incident. I don’t want to go into details. And I will admit that I shouldn’t have been yelling at my sister, but in my defence, when someone is yelling at you to stop the car, maybe you should stop.
At breakfast, I tried to put it behind me. Be happy and forget it ever happened. It is very important to me that everyone around me be happy. But then my sister did something that hurts me a lot. She sulked. She wanted an apology. I felt I was in the right, but eventually it became apparent that she was holding the vacation hostage and would not let it go. Until I apologized, she was going to ruin it for everyone. So I did, and the vacation continued.
I had to leave the family for awhile to go to the pool and do aquajogging. For 90 minutes. And for 90 minutes I was alone with my thoughts. There was nothing to really distract me. The synchronized swimmers were too young, and no one was diving off the high boards. Boring.
So in my thoughts I realized some things. I don’t recall my sister apologizing to me. She hurt me a lot by preventing me from making people happy, and so I apologized. But since the favour was never returned, I’m essentially in the wrong. How I feel is not important. And I bottle up my feelings so that people can have a good time, so she may not even know that I’m really angry with her.
Was she manipulating me? She is a therapist so she probably knows how to. Or is this just another example of how men are always wrong? I always thought that only applied with girlfriends and not sisters.
Anyway, I’m hoping by venting here I can continue to bottle the feelings and give my family a good vacation. Thanks for listening.

I’m getting better. My physical therapist says it is happening quickly. And I really want to get back to running. But with the news that things are progressing well, I’m starting to wonder if I should go back to my plan of doing three ultras this year. For some reason, ultras sell out quickly, so if I want to sign up, I need to do it sooner than later, or there might not be a later. But the first one would be in May. Is that too soon?
I’m having trouble with my eating habits. Now that I’m not running, I’m cutting down on what I eat. I worry about getting fat. The problem is that I’m not sure what my intake should be. When I was running stupid distances each week, I could gorge myself more than I wanted to ear. Since I’m not running, I’ve cut down and stopped impulse buying pies. But that is starting to backfire. My exercise regime includes aquajogging, and that has been increasing quite steadily. I’m aquajogging three times a week, when I used to run only two times a week. Maybe I do need more calories?
Aquajogging is boring, but it is also frustrating. I suppose I should be thankful I got injured in winter, so I don’t have to miss out on nice outdoor running. Unfortunately, many other people have the same idea. Or I should say, many other clubs have the same idea. I keep finding that the Kinsmen pool is booked, completely, and I can’t do my swim except at odd hours. Yesterday I couldn’t go until 9:00 at night. On Sunday, my plan to go in the morning was thwarted by an organized game of canoe polo. I could only go after 4:00 when they were having a celebratory beer in the change room.
I definitely need to get better by May; that’s when road access home from the Kinsmen gets shut off.

I tried speed dating again tonight. It was sort of an impulse thing. I got an email from them giving a big discount for men; they didn’t have enough. I had no plans for tonight, so off I went. I figured it would be better to do it at the last minute, that way I don’t have time to dwell on it in my head and overthink things.
It was held at the zoo, so while waiting to start, and during the “interviews” the zookeepers came around with various animals and showed them off. I got to fondle a ball python, a bearded dragon, a skunk and an armadillo. A ferret did get a little friendly with me. Pant legs are apparently interesting.
The event itself went okay. I did find it mentally exhausting though. Wait, that’s not right… Socially exhausting! By the end I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
There was one girl there that I would have liked to talk to, but I missed her by one number. I tried talking a bit at the end with her, but I didn’t have the social energy to do it for long, and she fled the event fairly quickly.
Overall, good time. But I’m cranky and tired now.

I was all set to hate the Kinsmen Sports Centre today. I was going to put them in the same hole as MEC; places that pretend to be good for you but secretly hate you. But, they went above and beyond the call of duty, so MEC stays in the “hate hole” alone.
The physical therapist I saw yesterday wanted me to do aquajogging, but only for fifteen minutes. Aquajogging is just being in the pool with a flotation belt and pretending to jog. It exercises your running muscles, but without impact. Don’t lean forward and do real swimming though; I forget why, but I was told not to.
The only pool I really know is the Kinsmen so I headed back there. I even checked yesterday and they said they always keep a lane open for people doing aquajogging. Before I entered, I checked with the front counter to see if there were any options that would be cheaper for someone only wanting to do fifteen minutes of aquajogging. No. So full price. $8.
I go in, change, and then go to the pool. I don’t see where I’m supposed to go. After consulting with a lifeguard I find out that the deep pool is completely used. Synchronized swimmers abound, next to swimming lessons. There is no place for me to go aquajogging. The best I could do was the warm up pool which comes up to my belly. I still went there, doing fifteen minutes of improper aquajogging. I was more horizontal than I should. Silently, I grumbled.
Afterwards I went to complain about the scenario. I had to wait awhile and I did have a nice conversation with a police officer keeping watch. I was only expecting to have my complaint registered, but they gave me two free passes. So, I think I’ve come out ahead. Go Kinsmen!
My knee does feel a bit better now. Use it or lose it?

Okay, after seeing the physical therapist, there is new news on my knee. Her prognosis is torn cartilage. There is some inflammation and swelling. This is not good. I’m going to have to try alternate exercises for awhile. Hopefully it will heal quickly.
This is making my plans for ultramarathons in May look untenable. And if I can’t do those, I’m not sure I want to do the Lost Soul in September. I mean, what is the point if I can’t make it part of the Alberta Triple? Well, hopefully it won’t sell out in the near future and I’ll have a better idea before it does.
No chance of me skiing though.

My knee still hurts. I am displeased by this.
Occasionally I wonder if there is a higher power (or a time traveler) that is watching out for me. Okay, a twisted knee sucks, but it is preventing me from doing some other activities that might be a higher risk. For instance, my work is planning a ski-trip to Marmot Basin next weekend. I do not think I can downhill ski (which I’ve never done before) with a knee that hurts. So there is a good chance I’ll have to opt out.
Or is this my knee’s way of telling me it doesn’t want to run an ultramarathon in May. (Big baby.)
I’ve been assuming I got injured because I helped some man move his car, but there are other factors leading up to it. On Sunday I ran 40km on uneven terrain. My muscles were aching afterwards, so on Tuesday I wallowed in a hot tub for an hour. On Wednesday I was running outside in the shorts right before the incident. So my knees have been through a lot.
I’ve accepted that I should not run this Sunday. I’m going to see about aqua-jogging instead. Half an hour after the incident I had made an appointment with a physical therapist. I’ll discover what my fortunes are on Wednesday.

Bugger.
Today’s run started so well. It was warm enough for shorts, and it felt great. My workplace was too hot, so being out in the cool was nice.
Up until we tried to help move a car stuck in the snow and I twisted my knee. It hurts, which I’m told is a good thing. But I have big plans for my knee this year! I don’t want it hurt. So I’ll try putting ice on it and hopefully it will get better quickly.

It’s been a fairly rough week.
The problems all started several weeks ago when my parents visited. Their car is nicer than mine so I let them park inside the heated (and probably better protected) garage while I parked outside. This was about the time we had a huge dump of snow and freezing temperatures. When they were done staying in my parking place, I brushed the snow off my car, drove it to the entrance, buzzed myself in and parked. That was where the problem started.
Ever since that time, my driver’s side window has been sticking a little. It felt fairly hard to roll it down. So on Tuesday I got suspicious of it and did something stupid. It was only when I had rolled it all the way down that I realized that I had left myself open to disaster. What if I can’t close it? Sure enough, I couldn’t. It looked like it wasn’t in the track anymore. And the whole door rattled like the window was loose.
Fortunately this was about the time the chinook hit Edmonton, so it wasn’t too bad. I could get it halfway up and if I had the heater on full blast, I was fine. When I parked I had it open all the way, so it could be mistaken as a window instead of a half open window.
It was two days before I could a professional to look at it. A Honda is a solidly built car; well the engine is. You can drive it while everything else is falling apart around it. And that is what happened. When my car was very cold and I opened the window to buzz myself in, the stress of ten years finally hit the window mechanism. They were able to close it, with the advice that I don’t use it much. I’m going with the plan not to use it at all. Until I can get it replaced.

On Monday I get to sign up for the Death Race. Opening day is usually cheaper for the first few people, so it is a big deal for me. I mentioned this at work. Immediately one co-worker challenged another to do it as well. Then we got into a discussion as to the consequences of a dare. Does the first person have to do the dare if the challenged one does it? Is the only benefit of accepting a dare “street-cred”.
What are the rules for dares?
I don’t think I trust Google on this. The best I can find says the rules are: 1) Raise your hand so that only one person speaks at a time. 2) Be positive and respectful. A put-down can hurt feelings. 3) Observe and use the quiet signal.
It goes on like this, but I think there was a miscommunication.

I figured out a way to punish bad behaviour of my my body.
Today, I woke up too early. Usually, my strategy is to negotiate with my body and just lie in bed pretending to sleep. Well, if my body isn’t going to give me actual sleep, I’m through pandering to it. I got up and by 7:30 in the morning I was out there running. I got a good 9km in before I went on my actual run of 17.5km. Then there was the 2km run home. Maybe that will teach my body that when I tell it to go to sleep, it better listen.
It was nice out that early. It wasn’t that cold, and there was light fluffy snow everywhere. That was actually a problem because it made running harder. And before the sun rises, Mill Creek Ravine can be a little scary. All alone there in the dark. I did encounter a cross-country skier. I also saw a flying own on Pope Hill.
Of course, later on I was totally exhausted and had to take an afternoon nap.

Ah, New Year’s Day. Usually preceded by New Year’s Eve. A traditionally disappointing time.
I am usually confronted with the same “other side” where the grass is always greener over there. I did have a pleasant evening, spending it with a small group of friends I already knew and playing board games. It was helped that this afternoon I did some stair-training and then weight-training. I had a large amount of endorphins running through my system that helped relax me.
But on the drive to my friend’s, I saw scantily dressed women going off to bars. Should I have been going out to a bar? No, I don’t do well in bars. I’ve mostly stopped trying to go to them. I did the sure thing of being with friends instead of awkwardly standing in a corner getting stressed over a dark room and loud music. (The more my senses are blocked, the more nervous I get. I’ve only really noticed this feature of myself recently.) But then, there is that green grass over there. They looked like they were having fun. I’m supposed to have fun this evening, but I know if I go that route I will be disappointed.
Is there a procedure for dealing with pretty girls? I’ve been standing in lines with them (today at McDonald’s: pretty EMT member) and I don’t know if there is a way to do anything. I can’t really talk out of the blue unless I know something in common. (Besides, she was talking to her partner the entire time.) Even if I do talk, is it acceptable to just ask for a number? How do regular people do this?
I’m thinking of making a resolution to get a girlfriend this year. (I hate resolutions.) Have I really been trying hard enough?
I had a co-worker who had another party that would have had board games too, but more drunk people. I would have only known two people there, and one of them only peripherally. Should I be going out to places where there are fewer people I know? I go out a lot, but I keep meeting the same friends. And none of them are single, and women, and have an interest in me. (To the best of my knowledge.)
So far my year has consisted of trying to reserve a hotel in Grand Cache for the Death Race. They said they would be having a waiting list on January 1st, but as of 2:00 AM today, they didn’t.

I think I like my job. At least I do in comparison to my last one.
My previous employment wasn’t satisfying me. For the last year, I was working on a monolithic piece of software in a language I didn’t especially care for, Java. It was very big, and I never got a sense of what was going on in it. I was only fixing bugs, and they were so spread out that there was never any one piece that I got a sense of understanding. I never felt ownership.
Compare and contrast with my new job. I am still working on software that is very big, but I get to work in one area. It was written for a different company, and I don’t feel they were software developers at heart. But today, I felt ownership of their code. I did some research and some settings suddenly started making sense, and it just clicked. I felt a sense of accomplishment and that was sorely missed in the past.

FYI, I survived my winter running plan. Although the -24 windchill was biting at first (and I seriously thought I was under-dressed) I was fine after doing the Hotel MacDonald’s staircase four times. That is a set of 202 steps.
Let’s see what condition my legs are in over the weekend.

My new job has free snacks. My old job had snacks, but those were the ones I brought in myself. Now I have a wide variety to choose from, at no cost. So, hopefully this is only temporary, but I’ve been eating a lot more. I could say I’m bulking up for winter, but I don’t want to be bulky.
Previously this wouldn’t be a worry for me, because I would be training for ultramarathons. But my friends aren’t planning on doing any next year (or so they say) so the distances we run aren’t nearly as much. Heck, we only did 14 km last week. Short enough not to need a water bottle.
This is the perfect storm for me getting fat.
So, after I finish posting this entry, I will go out and do a run; stair training I think. If I write it down to all my friends, I’m far more likely to do it. Because, let’s be honest, it is hard to motivate yourself to go running at this time. During the day, I look out and I see snow, but the sun makes me feel like I can still go running. But when the sun sets, it looks much less inviting.
I’ve been using the fitness room in my building to try and get some upper body muscles. But that isn’t going as well as planned either. I have an old torn rotator cuff injury. I think it is starting to flare up. I’m going to give the upper body a rest for a week and see how it goes. Otherwise I’ll have to go back into physical therapy. And my new job doesn’t cover that.
Let’s hope bouncing up and down stairs doesn’t aggravate it either.

Other people’s dreams are dreadfully wearisome

I don’t know who said it, but I’ve tried to live by it. I don’t like to talk about what happens in my dreams; boring people describe their dreams.
But if I can’t talk about content, can I talk about character? I often wonder if I dream the same way that other people do. My best evidence of this is lacking in credentials: television and movies. Whenever there is a dream sequence there, it is either mistaken for reality or it makes no sense.
The dreams I have, or at least the good ones that I have a chance of remembering, do have plots. The events that happen all build off one another. There are unexpected twists, but nothing that makes no sense. There are even hints of foreshadowing. The biggest weirdness is usually that my perspective changes to different characters.
It often feels like an improvised play, where little things casually mentioned earlier become very important. The rules don’t always make sense, but they are generally consistent. E.g. in this reality it is vitally important that I go for a walk in these woods even if I have evidence that there are people trying to kill me in it.
Is this consistent with the ways other people dream?
What brought this on was that I had a dream that was set near my parent’s house. The landscape was different, but even after I woke up I was sure that was what the area looked like. It was only after actively thinking did I realize that that was not true. But it reminded me of other remembered landscapes near my parent’s house that I thought were real. But if I tried to think how to get to them, I realize those were from dreams as well.
And that is unfortunate, because there were apparently some really good running trails out there.

Well, in a strange series of events, I am now employed. Negotiations took awhile, so I only discovered that I had a job about twelve hours before I had to show up for work. It’s good news, but I wasn’t prepared for it. Well, actually I wasn’t prepared for life with a job. I had planned to leisurely go grocery shopping and do some important cleaning of my place. Suddenly my free time evaporated. I’ve got a turkey to cook on Sunday and I need to get ready!
It is a small company, and I’m amazed at how much I’ve missed that. I get to go to work with the feeling that I can make a difference. I had to take a cut from what I previously made, but I’m under the impression that I will be doing interesting work. I’m not in financial straits, so that may be a good trade.

I had a job interview the other day. There was a terrifying moment in it; they actually browsed to my website. This blog is linked from there. And this is a blog that I put my personality into. I don’t want to have to worry that someone might be offended by something I say.
In other words, I don’t want to have to act like a politician here. I want to be myself. Is that going to affect future job prospects?

In an hour I will be 37. I’m not feeling as much of a sense of loss this birthday. I’ve accomplished some big goals in my life that had been keeping me from being happy.
But the thing that strikes me is that 2009 was a very good year. I look back on it with happy memories, and I’m surprised how many of them deal with running. I look at a map of DisneyWorld and I try and figure out the exact route my marathon went, including the long walk in the marshalling area. I did the Alberta Triple, which doesn’t fill me with pride, but with a good feeling of accomplishment. The Lost Soul Ultra was my pinnacle run; a run I remember hating while I was doing it, but is now the source of many tales. The trip to Jamaica that finally made me feel complete.
The worse experiences give the best stories. Or to better say, do interesting things and you will have an interesting life.
Being without a job has been different for me. I’ve had time to do things I had never gotten around to. I’ve gotten my program out there and feel I can be proud of it. But I also want to add to it. Pride in my work.
But without a job, there has been no structure. So more often than it should be, I accomplish nothing in my day. I need to start focussing. Not just on hunting for a job, but giving myself a schedule of things I need to do each day.
And part of me wants to relive 2009, with all the running involved.

Yesterday was my first run in two and a half weeks. It felt good. Well, it felt good at the time. My muscles are complaining today.
As a point of interest, I’ve now run over 9 km with my Vibram FiveFingers. My feet ache along the sides after about 7 km, so I don’t think I’ll be raising the distance much until that is cured. But progress is coming.
I wonder if it is changing the size of my feet? If my foot muscles are getting stronger, will they get bigger? Will I need to get different sized shoes in the future?