I went for a run tonight. Standard stair training, so nothing exciting to talk about. But it was my first solo run in a long time. It felt great. I had been avoiding running for awhile, but I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I went out and pounded the pavement.
It also gave me a chance to think through some things that needed thinking. I figured out some of the issues that were coming up in the next D&D game. I thought through some work problems. These mental conundrums actually kept me distracted enough that I didn’t notice how much stairs suck.
One of the off-topic things that I was thinking about was ancient humans and the equator. Did the first human to cross the equator know something was going on? Now, we have ceremonies to celebrate the accomplishment. The most visible reference for the first human would be the north star going below the horizon. Would they have noticed anything else?

For about ten years, I have had a growth on my back; a bump that has slowly been growing. Doctors had identified it as a sebaceous cyst, relatively harmless. It wasn’t infected or malignant. Today I finally had an operation to remove it.
This was a disappointment to a number of friends that I vacation with. Many of them had interests in the medical field and wanted the opportunity to do the operation themselves. I deferred to a friend who was a EMT; if they could convince him to do it, then they could go ahead. Despite the fun of doing medical procedures on a beach in the Dominican (probably using rum as an anesthetic) he decided it would not be a good idea. He remained unmoved by the argument that there is free health care in Canada and that if anything went wrong I would be fine.
I had, unfortunately, gone onto YouTube yesterday to see what would be involved. This was also a bad idea. There was a lot of splurting and home/bathroom examples. It did colour what I thought would happen.
Instead I was treated to a very simple procedure. Nothing exciting happen. It was not like a pimple.
That said, I didn’t see it. As mentioned before, it was on my back. I was allowed to hold up a camera, so I MAY have a film of what was going on. But in the end, all I saw was a fatty thing the size of a marble that had been removed from me.

I did get out to snorkeling. I then spent the afternoon with friends from Montreal. Helped with the tear down of the party villa. Off to dinner at the Indian restaurant. Standard vacation fair.
In the later evening I had a lovely conversation with the aforementioned Erin. We totally nerded out. It started when I noticed her robe had classic Star Trek support services insignia. (Same as Uhura.) What a great way to cap off a trip; discussing Star Trek and comics.
It was starting to wind down, but I still spent time with the people I knew. And I really appreciate the things they said to me. I am always unsure of myself, but it was nice to hear that I had done nothing wrong. Apparently Scottish people are just naturally cranky.
It was capped off by a run to the all night restaurant for hot dogs and hamburgers. I think I got to bed at around 4:30. I’m too old to do all-nighters now.
Normally I pick up duty free at the airport and get some liquor. All I got this time was some vanilla. This is because we had purchased too much alcohol for our party villa and I could just take some of the bottles. Score!
Now my only concern is that the stewardess asked if there were any medical professionals on board.
2014-10-28 18:15

It is my second last day. I don’t know if I have wasted my time here. I have had fun, but I haven’t done nearly as many activities as I would have liked. For the most part it is so hot that a general lethargy takes over. I’ve even missed having my daily crepe twice in a row! Yesterday was especially bad with a mugginess that made all plans get delayed. And then when things finally started happening, the heavens opened up and there was a torrential downpour. That actually made things nice and cool for awhile. It did cancel the evening fireworks though.
I’m trying to see if I can find a hidden reserve of energy and finally go snorkeling. I don’t particularly like my chances.
2014-10-27 12:05

The days are starting to blend together, so it is much harder to justify writing my journal. So I’m going to try and just save it for the more memorable events.
Two days ago our group went on an excursion. It was to a series of waterfalls. We had arranged out own guides instead of through the resort, so it was much cheaper and on out own schedule. And did not include any trips to tourist traps like plantations or historical museums. It wasn’t like Ocho Rios which is a big wide waterfall that is easy to walk up.
In this case we hiked for half an hour through forested trail. Nice and pleasant. We did hear the lowing of the “Dominican Elephant” aka the guide mooing.
We got to the first waterfall, and had to climb up a ladder. From that point on, we were in the creek for the rest of the way up. It wasn’t wide, maybe two meters tops. But you could tell it could be deeper. It had carved a deep channel, and sometimes I couldn’t feel the bottom. To get over some of the waterfalls the guides literally manhandled us up.
After seven waterfalls, we got as far as we could go. The trip back was slower though because it was more entertaining. We could slide down the waterfalls. The second last waterfall was where we hit “Happy Hour”. We could slide down, or jump down, or wuss out and take the ladder. Or we could slide, climb up and then jump. People who know me should know what I chose to do.
My new hero is a girl called Erin who didn’t know how to swim. She decided to slide down, and she was shaking for a minute as she psyched herself up. And then after she did it, she climbed the ladder and did the jump.
On the hike back, we came across an actual herd of cows with a bull. We took a few pictures that made it look like we were doing the. Running of the bulls before continuing ahead of them. A guide did the lowing sound of the “Dominican Elephant” and was pleased with himself. But I did enjoy the look of panic on his face when I turned back and said “Oh yeah, here they come.”
It was an exhausting day. I fell asleep on the drive back to the resort.
For dinner I went to the Mexican restaurant with some friends. We nearly passed out waiting for our food.
2014-10-27 11:25

The days are starting to blend together now. But I find it is important to make time for crepes. Daily. Ice cream doesn’t have to be daily, but still try and fit it in. Probably for the best that there isn’t gelato.
I’m still having a tendency to overthink things, but I’ve drastically reduced my alcohol consumption. That won’t have helped. Our group has a nominal schedule, which has been getting in the way. There are so many things to do at this resort that it is like herding cats to get people in the right place at the right time. In fact, based off past history, it is impossible so we should stop trying. It goes better in the evenings, but not perfect. But since I’m on the schedule, I’m going to things where there is no one else.
I do get to say I had two beautiful women in my bed last night. And no one can take that away from me.
I just wish I wasn’t sleeping in another villa at the time.

For the fourth and fifth days, things were fairly organized, so it was easier to be able to relax. This has led to more eating.
There are a lot of complaints about the resort, but it is mostly about the workers. Overall, it is a nice place. There are a lot of amenities, and there are a lot of restaurants.
I was able to get away from the buffet for lunch, so I grabbed a friend and we went to “Oh, Crepes”. I downed five crepes in a short period of time; two of them were savory. Then after some socialization, we went off to a sushi bar. Then we concluded with the ice cream bar. Despite the amount of food, I still had a dinner at the buffet.
For that evening, I tried to recreate the experience of the previous night. Despite the weird state I was in, being uninhibited was very nice. However, I wasn’t able to recreate it entirely. Maybe the drinks were too spread out, or I didn’t have an empty stomach. Or maybe it was because I had gotten it out of my system.
What I did get was my very first hangover this morning. So today wasn’t as pleasant. It was probably exacerbated by lack of sleep. It was hard to get any after breakfast because people kept coming to the villa with issues. Things are starting to work out, but still a lot of incompetence. The gas gauges on the golf carts don’t work, so we ran out of fuel. Restaurant reservations don’t work because all of the villas in our group are under one name.
Today we went to the beach, and I did do some swimming. I wasn’t in the best shape for the socializing I was doing poorly. But four more crepes helped.
At the pool party we organized, I just took a nap for an hour. This may have caused me to get a bit of a burn, but it helped tremendously. So I’ve been getting better. I was even part of a performance that was done. I haven’t seen the pictures yet though.
Now I’m trying to get enough energy together for tonight’s party. I’ve gotten the need for uninhibitedness out of my system now. Less alcohol will be drunk.
On a odd note, I’ve noticed that whenever I feel socially awkward is when I start wanting to go for a run. I think there is a pattern there that I should watch for.
2914-10-22 21:05

Last night got a bit weird. I noticed that I was getting angry over very minor concerns. This was probably due to lack of sleep. I did not like this attitude, so I focused a lot on not being angry. This had the inadvertent effect of making me start to overthink everything.
After an evening performance, I decided to self-medicate myself out of this state. Within a short period of time I had three to four alcoholic drinks. I’m guessing I must not have eaten a lot either because this hit me hard. In a fairly good way. I got very emotional and started confessing hopes and dreams to a good friend. They tried to cut me off shortly after that. Tried to, but I could tell the cup of juice wasn’t alcoholic because it didn’t taste bad.
However, that confession was very useful. I opened up and got a release. The rest of the night was great. I danced, was social, things were looking nice.
By three in the morning I was up for an expedition to the only place that had food at that hour. Three of us, the most sober, went and cleared out the stock of food available. We brought it to the others and then had our own private hamburger meal. And then bed.
So in conclusion, alcohol did help me loosen up. I think I want to try it again.
2014-10-22 4:20

It wasn’t breakfast in bed, but it was close. I was up fairly late, but did have to get up earlier than I would have liked. It wasn’t too much of a problem because due my usual schedule, I tend to wake up with sunrise. The reason I was up was that the chef came over to our villa to make us all breakfast. I was the only one who was up, with my villa-mates appearing dead to the world, so I had to assume it was all for me. There was a lot of food too.
Fortunately, my villa-mates got up when they started smelling bacon. So we ate outside in the lovely weather. Then went for a soak in our swimming pool.
Then back to work. People had to be welcomed. Crisisis had to be averted. The resort’s motto is “We work for you.” But apparently we don’t have firing authority. For some of the staff, the process was more important than the people. When we ask them to do less work, they would rather inconvenience us with doing the wrong work.
It seems to be handled now. More friends are arriving. So we should be able to relax more. I should be getting ready for the party tonight. But it is nice to unwind a bit.
I’m getting a bit tired of the buffet that we go to for dinner. It is different every night (just had turkey) but there are a lot of commonalities. It is very convenient because you don’t need to reserve. The many other restaurants all need one. I did get a nice walk home because, due to scheduling, our golf cart went home without me. The walk made the resort feel smaller. I covered ground fast, when I’ve been comparing it to time spent driving in a vehicle. Golf carts aren’t cars, but there speeds are not comparable.
2014-10-20 20:50

I don’t relax well on vacations. This is commonly known. So I spent most of the day helping the organizers organize. There was also the comedy of moving rooms multiple times. I checked out from the small hole-in-the-wall suite. But the villa I was supposed to move to wasn’t ready yet. So my luggage was moved to a temporary villa where the organizers were staying. Then when we had to leave that, we moved our luggage to the villa our group is using for parties. Then late in the afternoon, the final destination villa was ready and we moved the luggage there.
Did I neglect to mention that in the morning we went out grocery shopping for a copious amount of food and alcohol? So in a lot of those moves, groceries were involved.
I actually have yet to get to a beach. I’ll try and do that tomorrow.
But for now I’m having a good time with friends. I was actually surprised to find two people I know from Edmonton are here. I don’t know how I feel about this. Usually on these vacations I have no fear that anyone I know will take what they saw of me back to the real world. Now that is no longer a reliable assumption. True, these people travel in different circles than myself and they aren’t going to judge me. But I’ve already noticed I act a bit different when they are in the area.
Or maybe they will report only good things about me.
2014-10-20 3:15

The resort is huge. I’ve heard it is three miles to circumnavigate it. I did some exploration while waiting for the organizer to arrive. I was able to find the ice cream bar. Basically, a Marble Slab that is free to use. This could be very dangerous.
The resort itself doesn’t seem to be very good at running things. We’ve had to wait long times for fairly simple requests. But I think there is a reason for that. Within the resort itself there is a concert going on by “Daddy Yankee”; someone I haven’t heard about before today. But apparently he is: A Big Deal.
On one of my wanderings when I got here it looked like a military coup was taking place. No, but he is famous enough for them to truck in the army to provide security. As a member of the resort I got to go into the concert. It was all in Spanish. And I felt like the token white guy. I was actually more interested in the remote drone they had providing birds-eye views of the performance. And the fireworks were nice.
I’ve had a good time reconnecting with old friends. I like these people.
But it is also very late and I should go to sleep now. I don’t know if it will be possible. The concert is still playing loud music. I think it is a closing act DJ, because they are playing dancified versions of eighties music.
2014-10-19 00:05

I don’t know if this is going to be a “first to come, last to leave” situation, but in our group I was the first arrival. Since we are using a different resort, it isn’t as well organized. This was clear when there was no one to pick me up at the airport. I was thinking of waiting an hour and a half for the organizers to arrive. However I was suspicious of the guy holding up the sign with the organizer’s name. He had my flight information, and the correct number of people (1) so we got it sorted out.
Now I’m driving through the streets of the Dominican Republic. There are a lot of scooters here. They look like fun. I should try and get my scooter working again. The one I haven’t used in over five years.
Really I should do that anyway, even if I don’t intend to ride it. That will be a winter project. Not much I can do about that plan here.
2014-10-18 14:25

It bothers me how little I feel about this trip. It is to the Caribbean! I should be excited. But no, nothing. I know I’ll have a good time once I get there, but today has just been another day. My coworkers were more excited than I was. I focussed on doing my job, and finishing up as much work before I left. Heck, I was the last one to leave the office and had to lock up.
Story of my life. My emotions don’t really surface in anticipation. It does mean less stress as I don’t worry about something I’m not thinking about. Although some stress would have made me pack sooner. Too much of it remained at the last minute.
Maybe it is because I hate airports? But I’m over the worst of it. My luggage is checked in, I just have to wait to board. I’ve taken something to make me sleepy so I should be able to sleep to Toronto.
I foresee no difficulties.

The human body is weird.
For quite some time after my ultra, I ate rather healthy. The junkiest thing I had was fried chicken immediately after the race, but that was mostly protein. Then, five days later, they brought in pizza to work. I had several slices of easy to digest carbohydrates and simple sugars. Apparently my body still hadn’t recovered from the run. Whether it was a blood-sugar spike, or just having a lot of calories, I became hyperactive. I was drunk on comfort food. Enough that I was reprimanded soon after.
I now have to avoid pizza if I am in public. I guess I will be eating healthier than I had first planned.

The amazing things is that I continually try and convince myself that after doing a 24 hour ultra, I can do things later that day. A year ago I entertained the thought of hosting a D&D game. This year I had pared it down to sending two emails. I couldn’t even do that. I can barely handle the drive home. After that it is eat and sleep. And the eat part usually requires more energy than I have available. Which leads to a bad feedback loop.
Needless to say, on Saturday I started the Iron Horse ultra-marathon. This is usually my last ultra of the season. And, although it is 160km, I think of it as an easier ultra. It is generally flat and fast. The cutoff times are liberal. There is no reason that I wouldn’t be able to finish it.
But 160km is 160km. That is not easy. Several things happened that made this harder than expected. This caused me to be the last place finisher for the second ultra in a row.
The firstly, there were changes to the course. Not hugely, but they replaced flat parts with hilly parts.
Next was my right eye. Soon after night fell, I noticed a halo appearing around the moon. I eventually figured out that my right eye was blurry. Eventually it became cloudy. Towards the end of the race, it was impossible to see anything out of it. Visions (no pun intended) of a detached cornea from my laser eye surgery from eight years ago surged through my brain. Thankfully, it got a bit better after I had taken a nap after the race. But I was probably not supposed to drive the two and a half hours back to Edmonton with one eye shut. After some calls, the theory was that my eye was just dry. So it was back to normal the next day.
I had gone into the race with a plan that I thought would help me break the 24 hour barrier. That was to eat continually. I had made protein balls, which are made of healthy things and peanut butter. I was going to eat one every hour. And also to drink my gels regularly too. It probably did help, but after 112km, bad things happened. My stomach was informing me it was hungry. I ate another protein ball and my stomach immediately rebelled. I had to stop running, and try to prevent myself from gagging. After a minute, my stomach realized it was still food and started digesting, but that was my last attempt at eating those. I may have done better if I had kept eating, but I couldn’t risk it.
The weather also added an interesting element. It was pleasant enough, even through most of the night. But then the moon set. (How often do you get to say that with regards to the weather?) It started getting foggy. Enough that I had to phone the organizers for help. This part of the course had changed, and I could not see the next flag. It took half an hour before someone could come and guide me and the next racer to catch up. Oddly, he didn’t plant more flags for the next victim. This may be why I was the last place finisher. We continued on, and promptly got lost again. Eventually we got to the next transition, mostly because it was lit up brightly, but some luck was involved too.
For the last leg though, the fog really rolled in. I knew the route, go north on the road, but I could only see five feet (not counting the bad eye) and when you can barely see, it is hard to go straight on a road. I continually weaved into and out of the grass. To top it all off, there was a four way intersection at one point. I could not manage going straight across it, and started heading east. Thankfully, I could look up at the stars and navigate by them. The truck driving alone was also able to provide directions.
Then came the part where I cheated.
The Iron Horse Trail is part of the Trans-Canada Trail. It is wide and easy to follow. It may be a bit gravelly, but it’s safe. A lot of the ultra is on it. Except for one part. After following the road north, it starts snaking down into the valley and connects to the Iron Horse Trail. But the ultra has you leave the road before that and go into the trees. For two kilometres you follow a snaky trail, with lots of potential for rolling your ankles, before you go to another part of the Iron Horse Trail. I got in for five minutes and in that time had lost the flags twice. I decided that it felt dangerous. I turned around, returned to the road, took it to the Iron Horse Trail, and ran along that, finding the flags 2km after.
I admitted my failure at the finish line. They didn’t care. So I have a time of about 26 hours and nine minutes. Slower than I wanted, but I still finished.

In about 12 hours I start the last ultra of the season, the Iron Horse 100 miler. I am disturbingly calm about this. Usually before an ultra there is some level of panic. Am I too confident? Let’s face it, 160 km is a long distance. It’s never easy. But there are no mountains and only one place where here is a chance of me getting wet. Unless I fall into the North Saskatchewan on leg five.
I’ve done this race before. I’m hoping to break 24 hours this time. I think I can do it. The key will be to eat continually and not get injured. I’ve got a good plan for the former. Unfortunately, I’ve already lost on the latter.
On Tuesday I may have over-strained myself moving my computer desk back into position. I felt fine on Wednesday. But Thursday I was in pain and had trouble bending. It’s better today, and I’m hoping it will be gone tomorrow.
The most interesting part of this injury is that on Thursday, my bladder was shrunk; if I drank any water I had to go to the bathroom for more than I drank. The last time that happened was a year ago, on leg 8 of this same ultra. That feels ominous.
Was the above too graphic? Maybe I should have left that out…

I’m going to sleep now.

Today was, for all intents and purposes, St. Patrick’s day. I base that merely on two facts. The first was that a large group of Irishmen descended upon my condo and started tearing it apart. (I had apparently paid for this privilege.) The second was that I had dinner at an Irish pub.
Let’s cover these in more detail.
My condo is having major repair work done. So, today I had to work from home and let them in to my place. They proceeded to remove every window and door from its frame, do some weatherproofing in the hole left behind, and then put them back. I was the first person they did on the south side of the building. Which meant they were up and at it before I was even finished brushing my teeth. And they never came through the front door; they attacked from the windows.
They were pleasant enough and seemed very professional. Although it was scary watching one using an electrical saw mere centimetres from his own power cord. I tried to be a cordial host and offered them cookies. They were also nice enough to take some time out from their other work and take a look at my front door.
I had a chiropractic appointment in the early evening, so I walked there. Along the way, I passed O’Byrne’s, an Irish pub. They were having an all-you-can-eat fish and chips nights. I was intrigued. Yesterday I hadn’t eaten enough, which had left me somewhat lethargic. Today wasn’t much better. This is dangerous, because right now I need to be eating as much as possible in anticipation of my race this weekend. An all-you-can-eat would probably help.
Unfortunately, I asked my chiropractor about my plan, and she wasn’t pleased. Too much grease and oil. She’s probably right, but there was a quality of life issue. The issue being that I didn’t want to go to Pita Pit for dinner. So after my appointment, I went back to O’Byrne’s. I don’t feel I was as ambitious as I could have been. My dinner size was downright reasonable. But I do feel sated now, which is a nice feeling.

Back in 2008, I tried the dating service “It’s Just Lunch”. They would do research and set me up with compatible women and then I could meet them for lunch, or drinks after work. It cost me about $1000 and in that time they set me up with about 14 women. Towards the end, it felt like they weren’t even trying. The women did not meet a lot of my requirements. So I did not have a good opinion of the company. They even closed down the Edmonton office, so I was being matched by someone in Florida who had never met any of the people she was matching.
They tried a couple years later to get me to sign back up with the excuse that they now knew me better and I would have better matches. If they hadn’t figured that out after 14 matches, I didn’t think they would with another 14? And it is not cheap!
Last week they started trying to contact me again. I figured I would give them a chance to do their spiel and then politely decline. But they had a new strategy this time; ask me to update my profile. Really, you want me to talk about myself? Sold!
But after that, the hard sell came. They had two women they think I would be perfect for. And their limited time deal for $200 would let me meet those two (and probably only those two.) When I asked to think about it, they actually got mean. They pointed out I’m getting old, so I can’t afford to wait.
That left a sour taste in my mouth. And actually caused me to get depressed. Very depressed. With money being tight, I decided I was leaning towards “No” and told them so. Maybe I might go for it, after talking with my friends that evening. That gave them the interesting tactic that I shouldn’t depend on friends for this important decision, because they may not care enough about my interests. According to that logic, I should go with my default “No”.
In any case, I was in a bad funk for awhile. I think I’m better now. It also helps that I’ve read about a lawsuit against the company.
I made the right decision.

I went to Montreal last weekend and had a great time. It has been about half a year since my last vacation, so I was due. (I am, of course, not counting vacations that involve prodigious amounts of running.) This was a chance for me to connect with a circle of friends I only seem to see when I travel. I term them the Level 3 friends for ease of categorization.
It was great to see them again. And I made full use of my time by sleeping as little as possible. I was regularly up until five in the morning. I still managed to have somewhat productive days. On one day most of us went up to Mont Royal and took a lot of pictures. On the Monday, I did a 22km run across the seaway.
That run was very illuminating. A friend, from Mexico, joined me on it. Well, she was in a bicycle, but it still counts. She gave me an appreciation for my country. She was amazed at all the different trees in close proximity. She was emotionally overcome when crossing the seaway itself. Basically, she liked the rocks and trees, and trees and rocks. (And water!)
I did have one embarrassing moment. I did enjoy it at the time, but I don’t want to talk about it. If you were there, go ahead and laugh. But if you weren’t, why would I want to let you make fun of me?
The one thing I really appreciate about these friends is how huggy they are. It was nice to be with people who had no discomfort about public displays of affection. I took advantage of at as often as I could. I don’t get enough physical contact in my life.
Everyone was very supportive of me, and I am feeling better about myself than I have in a long time. I have faith in the future again. And it is nice.

On Sunday I had my annual summer barbecue. I had to pick that day because of construction reasons. My condo building is undergoing a major overhaul that requires balconies to be cleared by a certain day. My balcony was supposed to be cleared on Monday. So after my barbecue party, I dutifully unhooked it and moved it indoors. I planned to take it to my parking stall when I can find someone to help me move it.
The thing is, I have seen no action by the contractors towards my balcony. They aren’t even close.
So, this evening, I moved my barbecue outside again, hooked it up and cooked a nice dinner. I am not planning to immediately move it back inside. If I see any motions towards my balcony, yes I will move it inside again. But until that time, I’m going to enjoy summertime cooking.
And in the worst case scenario where they forcibly remove my barbecue while I’m not looking, I will take as an excuse to get a new one. It is ten years old.

On Sunday I ran 50km. I’ve got a route that I have done before, with the goal to try and do 6 minute kilometres for as long as possible. This time I got to 35km before I had to slow down. Maybe I could have kept it up, but I needed to stop for water, and my knee was starting to bother me. So the last 15km was at a much slower pace.
By Monday afternoon, my back was in a lot of pain.
Was it because I pushed myself too hard. Maybe it was because in the evening I had to move my barbecue indoors by myself. Could I have knocked my spine out of alignment?
It wasn’t until today that I think I figured it out.
My run was almost entirely on pavement. And I was wearing some shoes that I hadn’t used on a really long distance before. They have a fairly minimal sole. I’m guessing the lack of padding was causing stress I didn’t normally have.
Well, my back is getting better. So we’ll see how I feel tomorrow.
Tomorrow, where I have been thinking of doing a run in foot gloves.

I really don’t learn my lessons, do I?

I’m visiting my parents this weekend. They are out in the country, so there isn’t as much entertainment. So, on a lark I brought down my AppleTV with the plan of having a movie selection from my laptop available. Unfortunately, I forgot the remote. i.e. The only thing that allows you to control the device; there are no other buttons.
As soon as I plugged it into the TV, it complained that it didn’t know which network to go to. I had no way to select anything. My iPhone can control it, but only if it is on the same network. And the AppleTV wasn’t connected to any network.
My first thought was, oh well, too bad. Then the internet came to my help. I temporarily plugged it directly into my parent’s network (not through wifi) which technically put it on the same network as my iPhone. Then, using the Remote app I was able to have it learn how to recognize a spare television remote. Once I had that done, I had a remote that worked. I could put it back to the television and use the remote to have it recognize the network.
And everything works.
I feel like I have accomplished something today.

For the past while I have been feeling exhausted all the time. I’ve been assuming it is because I have a newer job and now have to commute for longer than I used to. I have also over-scheduled myself in other respects. Free time is something that happens to other people.
But I am now wondering if there is something else at work.
I have had odd dining habits for a long time. I say I eat when I’m hungry, but I think I may have just broken my hunger signals. This has led me to making dinner after eight and eating by nine. Maybe I’m just running our of fuel.
This unhappy state of affairs happens when I come home tired. My first instinct is not to feed myself, but to relax for awhile. I then proceed to waste far too much time browsing internet sites I’m not that interested in. Eventually, hunger strikes and I force myself to get food in my system. By then it is too late. Any energy I get from eating will not hit my system until too late. So I spend every evening tired and probably in some weird feedback loop that is keeping me tired.
I’m going to try and force myself to eat earlier now.

Last week I finished the Sinister 7. Barely. It was one of the toughest races I’ve done. And I finished 16 minutes before the final cutoff.
The more I think about it, the scarier it becomes. Every little choice those days had an effect that could have easily put me over. Just the act of stopping for the bathroom could have prevented a finish.
And I wanted to fail. There were many times in the last three legs where I was tempted to slow down. If I did, then I could miss a cutoff and just stop. What kept me competing was that if I did that, I would be throwing away all the hell I had been through already. The heat of leg three. The tiredness of leg four. The darkness of led five. The long slog of leg six.
But, I buttoned down on leg six and forced myself to keep going. And I looked terrible after finishing leg 5; my sister didn’t think I would make it for the next cutoff. I pushed myself and I finished leg 6 in exactly the time I predicted when I had started. Part of me wishes I had taken it a bit slower; I looked up at one point, in the middle of the night in the middle of the wilderness and I saw all the stars. I didn’t stop to admire them. I had to keep going.
None of my friends finished. That’s what makes victory so much sweeter. They either had injuries that forced them to drop down to running with a team, or they slowed down and failed to make cut offs. And I kept injuring myself. For the first three legs, I was rolling my ankle far too many times. I have a weak ankle from an ancient injury, so rolling happens easily. But because it is so weak, I can also use it again after thirty seconds. It never did feel perfect again, and I was protective of it, which probably slowed me down.
But, I was the last place finisher. This netted me the Red Lantern award; three bottles of wine.
I am now an award winning runner.

Happy Canada Day.
Normally I would celebrate by going out to the pancake breakfast at the legislature. Or even doing the Canada Day Road Race (which was an option before ultras started getting scheduled at around the same time.) Then I would have the rest of the day to do whatever I wanted. Maybe even take in the fireworks tonight.
However, I have a number of chores I need to do to get ready for the aforementioned ultra. The best way, I can see, to give myself time to do that is to instead go into work today. That will give me the time I need to get things done.
I can sense your confusion. But my logic is sound. I have found when I have a full day of nothing, I get nothing done. No pressures means no accomplishments. If I have only an evening of time available, I can get a lot more done. Stress is my friend. Without it, I can get distracted easily. So, I will go to work to give myself more time.
Though, I would really like to have had those pancakes.

I’ve learned that writing a column can be like working at a sausage factory–-use filler if you have to, just for God’s sake keep cranking that grinder. The upside is that sometimes the sausage comes tasting pretty good, even if you’ve run out of pork and had to use horse lips.

-Paul Mather 100 Years of Subatomic Humor

I think this is the longest I’ve ever taken between blog postings. That is not an accomplishment. If I don’t post today, then I would have my first month without any postings since I started it.
I used to treat this like a diary and gave updates as to everything in my life. Maybe I need to get back to that? Facebook has been a crutch. I can put a short mind-thought down and then feel I have communicated with my friends. But, in all honesty, my Facebook feed is read by more people than read this journal.
Still, I used to prize myself as being a writer. I wrote my own novel back in junior high. A novel, I hope never sees the light of day. I should do the bare minimum to keep up the long form prose. Even if I am exhausted by day-to-day life.
Current event: I do the Sinister 7 this weekend. To celebrate this fact, my watch batteries decided to die two weeks ago. Due to Timex having embraced planned-obsolescence, I have to send my watch all the way to Markham, Ontario to get them repaired. I did that immediately. I still haven’t gotten them back. Yes, plural there. I sent my last two watches in with the hope that they can get fixed. At this point I don’t think I’ll get them back.
Until then I am using, what I call my Soviet-era watch (because it looks like it was made in Russia in the 80s.) It’s made by a company called Timeco. I’ve never heard of them. But I got this watch five years ago for around ten dollars and has never caused my battery or water resistance problems. It’s also huge.
Looks like it will be going on a 160km excursion with me.

It has been awhile, but I suppose I should give a report on Lent.
It went terribly.
Once I went to Houston for the short vacation I totally lost all hope of meeting my goals. When I returned, I had a new job. On top of all the stress that that entails, i also had a total of an hour of commuting each day. I am exhausted when I come home, and I barely have the energy to feed myself, much less try and become a better person. It is worth it; I like my new job much better and my coworkers are great.
But Lent went poorly. And even a previous pledge of self-improvement that I had started on my birthday fell to the wayside. I am now going to try and re-pledge that for my half-birthday that was yesterday.
I have found it is easier to give something up than to try and add more to your life. But I think that was the initial idea of Lent; give up something. The ancient people were smarter than me.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I’ve watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.
Roy (Blade Runner)

I’ve been thinking about memory lately. Since I turned 40, I feel my memory is going. I don’t seem to remember things as well as I used to. This is most likely part of the process of getting old. So, today is my 40.5 half birthday; it seemed appropriate to discuss it.
My memories of the past is tainted by time. I recall classmates from elementary school. I do not remember them as children. They were not small people; they were all the same height as myself. So, in my memory, I still see them as my current height.
We are essentially our memories. And there have been times when I wish I could forget things from my past. Mostly dumb things I’ve done, but I would also include hellish periods of my life that probably still affect my self esteem. Unfortunately, the act of remembering causes a memory to hang around longer. So, when I think of something I want to forget, I am already going backwards in that mission.
But then I think of the idea of forgetting. It’s scary. If you forget something, it is gone forever. You don’t even remember that you’ve forgotten it. That would be the tragic part of alzheimer’s disease. Once I think of it that way, I don’t want to forget anything. Ever.
But there is only so much space in your brain. You have to forget to be able to remember. My internal hard drive is getting full.

‘You see,’ he explained, ‘I consider that a man’s brain is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.’
Sherlock Holmes, A Study in Scarlet

I went to the hospital early today. I chose the Grey Nuns because the website said they only had a half hour wait. The triage nurse had no idea where they got that number from.
After an hour of waiting, the doctor pretty much told me to keep doing what I was doing. She seemed perfectly happy with the bandage that I had put on. The only new advice was that I shouldn’t be barefoot for the next while, so that my toe has a steady surface to heal on. I think that the fact it will help protect the toe from banging against other things is a happy coincidence.

On Saturday, while cleaning up, I stubbed my toe against a suitcase. It hurt enough that I remorsefully skipped running the next day. And from the lurid colours, I’m assuming I broke it. Last time, I was able to run again after a month.
After work today I went to the walk-in clinic to get a professional opinion. He sent me to get an X-ray. I decided to get it over with and went immediately to one on the south side of town. I was lucky and there wasn’t too much of a wait. However, the person I saw for the X-ray recommended I go see the doctor again. Immediately.
So, back to the doctor. He looked at my CD of the X-ray and he said I should go to the hospital.
That is not usually a good sign.
I drove to the University Hospital. There, the triage nurse told me it would be a five hour wait…
I hadn’t had dinner yet. I did not feel like staying there until midnight. The nurse claimed the best time to be there was eight in the morning. That wouldn’t be too different from the sitting/waiting time. So, I’ll get up early and go there tomorrow. There is even a convenient website giving wait times.
No one has given me any reason to be panicked or concerned. But I don’t know if that is usual in the medical profession. For all I know, I’m in serious danger. But no one has communicated that to me.
I don’t have high hopes for getting back to running anytime soon.